True love or emotional dependence?

“He is always doing work things and doesn’t pay attention to me”, “he doesn’t have details with me”, “if he doesn’t always want to be by my side, he doesn’t love me”… Behind these types of common phrases a complex reality can be hidden that In the long run, it will bring us clear unhappiness in the relationship. Far from being true love, we are facing a clearly exhausting bond.
What is clear is that these types of expressions denote something more than concern on the part of the person who says them. There is suffering. It is a bond that, far from enriching, offering impulse, growth and satisfaction, focuses on lack, on the need to receive constant proof of affection. Something like this leads to unhealthy pressure where blackmail, fears, misgivings, etc. appear.

The person caught by emotional dependence is in all cases someone who has low self-esteem. They are profiles with a self-concept so diminished that they renounce their own life, their values ​​or their beliefs. How to discover if there is true love in a relationship or if it is emotional dependence?

What is emotional dependence and why does it occur?

Emotional dependence is an addiction to another person. It doesn’t always have to be a couple, but it is undoubtedly the most typical case. You can say that it is something similar to addiction to alcohol or other drugs.

It should be noted that this dynamic occurs in both sexes. Although we often have the idea that it is more common among the female gender We are facing a reality that is as common as it is recurring in both men and women.. In fact, the common profile found in these people is valid for any gender.

Psychological profile of emotionally dependent people

People with emotional dependence harbor thoughts of inferiority and low self-esteem. They generally have a need for constant validation. Other features are the following:

They tend to idealize the other person. They are afraid of loneliness, of being abandoned. They lack adequate personal fulfillment, emotional maturity and autonomy.They have dDifficulty making decisions.

These thoughts mean that, the moment someone notices them, they feel so valuable and important that they cannot “miss the opportunity.” In the end they, who perhaps had not initially felt attracted to this person, they end up giving in when they suddenly see themselves visible in the world.

That’s where the problem lies. They don’t know how to differentiate if their relationship is based on true love or emotional dependence. They do not choose their partner because they have things in common or because they feel harmony with them, but because of the need to be loved and the excruciating fear of being rejected or feeling alone.

It’s not true love, it’s suffering

We must not make mistakes. These relationships built on emotional dependence are not nourished by true love. Little by little, the dependent puts aside all his plans, projects, dreams and illusions. He even detaches himself from family and friends. He becomes isolated and even detaches himself from himself.

Dependency and emotional suffering

When this happens, when you disrespect yourself in this way, it is normal for you to have feelings of anxiety and you may even fall into depression.. You are not happy and you do not love that person either, simply your fear of abandonment is more important than the adventure of being who you really want to be, it is too risky for you.

The dependent also needs to exercise control over his partner, he needs to know where he is at all times, who he is with and what he is doing. Evidently Confidence is conspicuous by its absence due to negative thoughts typical of lack of self-esteem.

As a result of these behaviors, it is logical to think that a multitude of discussions will be generated. There will be dynamics that oscillate between distance and reconciliation, emotional ups and downs where we will be even more psychologically weakened.

The need to build mature and conscious relationships

The emotional dependence of one being on another is one of the things that can cause the most damage in a relationship. For both the dependent and the non-dependent. As we have said, it is not about love without limits that can do everything and with which everything is justified, but rather The couple becomes a relationship lacking trust, respect, freedom and authenticity.

In books as interesting as Overcoming emotional dependence, by Jorge Castelló, we can find very useful formulas to address these situations. The objective, therefore, could not be clearer: achieve more balanced, mature, conscious interpersonal relationships.

Increasing our self-esteem by being clear about who we are and acting as such is undoubtedly a great step. We must also learn to be alone and enjoy it, leaving aside the need for approval and fear of rejection. All this will contribute to building true love.

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