The fear of love

Have you realized that you have to consciously allow another person to love you? Otherwise, many problems may arise because you will be defensive, accompanied by distrust and fear in your relationships. Specifically, from fear to love.

For nature, We tend to run away from what scares us, and in love it is no different.. If you are not used to being loved, your default position may be to push people out of your “bubble.” Why are there people who are afraid of love? There are several reasons for this, which we will delve into in this article.

10 reasons why you are afraid of love

Understanding these reasons is the key to ending relationship fear.. Here are ten reasons why you might be afraid of love and how you can overcome it. Discover why you can’t accept the love you receive.

1. When someone loves you, they will leave you

If you have been left in the past, you may anticipate that the person who loves you right now will also leave you.. That may be the origin of the fear of love. Of course, you shouldn’t blindly trust people who haven’t shown commitment, but thinking that everyone will act the same way is not a good path.

The key here is to move slowly. Share your worries at the right time and pay attention to signs of commitment and loyalty.

A good idea may be to write down the signs of lack of commitment that you observe or talk to your partner about them. Keep your feet on the ground and continue moving forward slowly.

2. When someone loves you, they will expect a lot from you

In general, In a relationship, both parties expect love and commitment from the other.. There are even people who do certain things hoping to receive something in return later. In these cases, the issue of expectations takes on special importance.

It’s important to remember that expectations can be a healthy part of a relationship at times. However, it can be difficult to get them right, since reality may be different than what we thought. Every relationship is different. Again, this is a concern to share with your partner and reach an equitable agreement.

On the other hand, we must not forget that excessive expectations in the couple could indicate that instead of love, we feel attachment. With attachment we place our happiness in the hands of our partner and “demand” that they make us happy. With love, we are the ones who ask ourselves what we can do to make our partner happy.

3. When someone loves you, they are going to know too much about you

Sometimes, Showing how we are to others can make us feel vulnerable. This anxiety is a major block to intimacy. Discovering ourselves before the other, both with our positive and negative aspects, can be a risk if we think that our negative characteristics can make the other abandon us.

Again, this problem could be summarized in the fear that the loved one will decide to leave us. However, this fear goes deeper, since considers that the reason they abandon us is the way we really are. This belief, which indicates a great lack of self-esteem, has to be eliminated before being able to have a meaningful relationship.

But these are again expectations that prevent the mutual exchange of the joys and sorrows of life, increasing our fear of love. If you do not discover yourself authentically towards the other, they will not be able to know you., nor accept you in your entirety. If someone wants to be with you, they will love you just the way you are.

4. When someone loves you, they will disappoint you

This belief is somewhat complicated because it is true that our partner will disappoint us at times. Nobody lives up to all expectations. People make mistakes, they are lazy to act in certain ways, they are afraid and they forget their priorities. You will too.

Get ready for this. A great way to deal with disappointment is to let your partner know where are your limits, What is your situation and how do you feel? Communicate with respect. From there, you can negotiate what happens next. Why deny your disappointment and not give your partner the opportunity to do things differently?

5. When someone loves you, they are going to hurt your feelings.

It is true that on many occasions in a relationship we will feel bad or frustrated. But expressing pain with anger or resentment will get you nowhere.

It is much easier to express the damage when it occurs. That is to say, We must communicate to our partner what made us feel bad and see together how to solve what happened.. Anger, resentment or rage will only increase our discomfort.

Yes indeed, At the same time, it is necessary that we take responsibility for our own emotions.. Expecting our partner to magically make our negative feelings disappear is not only unrealistic, but generally harmful to our relationships and our self-esteem.

6. When someone loves you, they are going to control you

If you are used to being controlled, you can attract people to control you. By recognizing this from the beginning and being aware, you can be more alert when entering a new relationship. If, on the other hand, you are already in a controlling relationship, then you can start thinking about yourself.

But, If you still don’t know if control is an important part of your relationship, you can ask yourself some questions to appreciate it.Do you always say yes? Do you act helpless? Do you procrastinate or invite intervention? How good are you at making independent decisions?

Remember, if you are not available to be controlled, then you cannot be controlled.

New technologies have introduced a new form of control. So you can also start to wonder if your partner controls your social media accounts, your conversations, your passwords… In 2017, the Government of Spain launched a campaign to avoid and prevent this type of control in your partner. It is important to remember that We are not obliged to give this information to anyone, not even our partner..

7. When someone loves you, they will limit you

We can also think that, when we embark on a relationship, the other person is going to limit us. And in fact, there are relationships in which this situation is a fact. But When we unite with another person the meaning is not to decrease, but to grow together.

Therefore, limiting yourself only makes you someone’s property. And no one, belongs to no one. Respecting yourself is the most appropriate thing. Things don’t have to be how we think, nor do they have to be done our way, we must leave freedom to the other and communicate.

8. When someone loves you, your family will reject them

Of course, there’s a chance that one or more of your family members doesn’t like your partner. And now that? Listen to his side of the story, not bad. But later, Take into consideration your choice, your degree of satisfaction and how you feel.

The worst thing you can do is insist on not being with someone, just because your family disapproves. Each person is free to choose who to share their life with.

9. When someone loves you, you will lose your friends

Perhaps the time with your friends will be reduced when you are in a relationship. But you don’t have to lose them, this is a question of priorities. You will have to spend less time with them, however, you will not lose themif they really are your friends.

Being afraid of losing your friends doesn’t have to be a problem if you know how to distribute your time. Even if you feel like it, you can share moments with your partner and friends together.

10. When someone loves you, you will lose yourself

It’s all about limits. How can you be in a committed relationship and not lose yourself? When you commit to another person, we become one with that person. A healthy relationship adds an element to who you are, not subtracts. Being with another person should not mean losing or diluting your identity, but rather growing, being yourself and even discovering aspects of yourself that you didn’t even know about.

Maybe it is better to suggest that you become a team. You are a person with another person. You work together, you negotiate, you respect each other, and you maintain your individuality in all things.

Evaluate what your fear is, fight it and live love fully. Everyone needs to be loved and be happy.

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