Is it good to take time out in your relationship?

Is it advisable to take a break with your partner when things are not going well? Is it useful to be separated for a few weeks? If it happens to you right now, the content of the following text will help you.

Is it advisable to take some time in your relationship? The quick answer is: “it depends.” If love still exists and both are committed to change and working to improve the bond, a few weeks of distance will be useful. Now, hitting the pause button and not clarifying what you want to achieve during those days will make the plan meaningless.

The first thing you should know is that this technique is applied on many occasions and can be successful, especially, in those cases in which the dynamics are conflictive and the emotions are as tense as a violin string. Being apart for a few weeks gets you away from that loop of negativity and helps you calmly figure out what to do.

If you find yourself in this situation right now, it is advisable that you delve into the following data.

The key to the success of temporary separations in a relationship lies in how the couple spends their time and in their good communication skills.

Taking time out in your relationship: what it is and when it is useful

It is possible that leaving a space between you and your partner oxygenates tensions, makes ideas more flexible and, thanks to the distance, the crystalline nature of your feelings is revealed. Taking a few days or weeks in different scenarios is by no means a prelude to the end. This is a technique recommended -sometimes- by therapists.

Taking time out in your relationship means putting a pause on conflict through physical distance, to perform a self-awareness exercise in which the bond is reviewed and healed (if possible). It is moving from the “shared” sphere to the “individual” sphere, with the aim of clarifying where they are and what they want.

A work published in Cognitive-behavioral strategies in crisis intervention mentions the importance of intervening in those couples who have chronic patterns of conflict. It is in these dynamics that the psychologist would suggest temporary distancing. However, this strategy must follow specific guidelines.

It is likely that, after spending time in the relationship, you will become aware of the need to take better care of the bond.

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What does it really mean to take time?

Taking time out in a relationship is not breaking the bond, it is putting it on pause to review it, reflect and learn. This action should not be seen as a threat to commitment, but as a mechanism that requires maturity and responsibility, to save that bond in a moment of crisis.

Being so immersed in the game of blame and reproaches makes the emotional atmosphere become unbreathable. Not only do you end up seeing the worst in others, but you end up neglecting yourself. Putting distance helps to end conflict, to get in touch with our needs and assess what to do. It is not, therefore, a breakup.

There are relational dynamics where only guilt, threat and spite flow. When there is still love, but we become our own enemies, it is necessary to give ourselves some time.

When is it useful and when not to use this strategy?

Establish a temporary distance It is advisable when the two members, despite the tensions, are committed to moving forward with their relationship.. That is, without a doubt, the cornerstone that gives meaning to this alternative. It is always advisable to resort to this mechanism before proceeding with an impulsive and poorly thought-out breakup.

What’s more, research such as that carried out at the University of Wisconsin argues that breaking up and reconciling afterwards generates a common dynamic, but also a very unstable and deficient way of bonding. It is better to appeal to all possible strategies to save the relationship and achieve enriching learning than one more as a couple.

When is it advisable to take some time

They both agree with the strategy.They maintain their future plans as a couple. They are aware that they hurt each other. They feel overwhelmed and need to think about loneliness. Conflicts are a constant, but there is still love. There are tensions and arguments, but there is trust. Despite problems, there is good communication.They understand that it is necessary to work on the relationship to improve it.

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When it is not advisable to take time

They doubt their feelings. They have another person in mind. It is not recommended when there is no mutual trust. It does not work if the hope and complicity in the other is lost. Events have happened that are difficult for them to forgive (betrayals, for example). They think that instead of taking time it would be more convenient to do couples therapy.If communication is always poor, this strategy will not be useful either.If you are aware that this relationship is unhealthy and you are unhappy, there is no point in doing it.

Love requires investment and care. Perhaps, by taking some time after a time of crisis and arguments, we discover why we fell in love with that person.

If you decide to give yourself time in the relationship, it is recommended that it does not go beyond 3 or 4 weeks.

What rules to follow when we decide to take time in the relationship

With the noise of arguments, reproaches and the weight of routine we forget why we fell in love with our partner. These are times when the mind is filled with anguish and so many resentments that everything bothers us and even the love stops being present between both of us. These situations hurt, but if there is affection and mutual desires, the relationship can still be saved.

Next, take note of the suggestions in case you, together with your partner, opt for a break.

No more than 4 weeks

Ideally, the distance between a couple should not be more than 3 or 4 weeks.. It is a reasonable range of days to reflect, rest, make decisions and even awaken the longing for reunion.

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Agree on guidelines and objectives

Taking time out from a relationship is not breaking up, nor does it mean that there is permission to deceive the other. The commitment still exists and if they agree to a few days apart, it is to heal the relationship and meet again with greater affection and enthusiasm.

In addition, It is advisable to agree between both of you on the goals to achieve during that time.. The first, clarify what you want to do with the relationship. The second, if you move forward, is to think about strategies for change to improve coexistence and be happy.

If you give yourself some time with your partner, specific meetings and calls from time to time favor reconnection and making contact in a relaxed and different way.

Self-care and learning time

A necessary purpose of this strategy is to practice self-care. Going through a time of so much stress, emotional anguish and great tension is physically and mentally exhausting. It is time, therefore, to rest, connect with oneself, practice hobbies, talk with friends, etc.

Also keep in mind that This will be a time of learning to attend to your emotions, thoughts and needs within the framework of that relationship. Ask yourself if you are with the right person, someone worth investing time, energy and dreams into.

A plus when giving yourself time in the relationship: yes to specific meetings

Distancing does not imply prohibition of calls or meetings with the loved one during the break. What’s more, it is advisable to establish occasional dates, such as a dinner, walk or video call. It’s a way to rekindle the bond, to keep the flame burning, to catch up on what you think and feel.

To conclude, no couple is perfect nor is a relationship a promise of stainless happiness. There are potholes and times of crisis. Knowing how to face these periods of wear and tear in a mature way, with good communication and valid tools, helps to successfully navigate those difficult moments.