9 stages of relationships

Relationships grow, evolve and change, depending on well-differentiated and defined stages. This explains why We don’t feel the same after a few years of relationship as when we met..

Knowing these stages allows us to notice what the challenges are at each moment, so that we can adapt and solve them. Therefore, in this article we will teach you what they are so that you can learn to identify them in your relationship.

What is love?

Before addressing the stages of love, we will stop a little to review what love is. This concept has many definitions that vary according to the perspective adopted to study it. In a very basic way, we can say that Love is a feeling of affection that makes us lean and give to someone or something..

However, love does not stop only in emotional expression, It is also an attitude towards life, others and ourselves.. in his book The art of Loving (1956), Erich Fromm tells us that “love is an action, the practice of a human power, which can only be realized in freedom and never as a result of compulsion.”

In love, people exist, we recognize ourselves through the legitimization of the other and that recognition gives us the possibility of being authentic, as Bismarck Pinto points out in his book psychology of love (2012) . Love is not something you have or possess, it is something you are and that becomes free.. In it there is no possession or submission, only freedom.

Characteristics of love

According to Erich Fromm, we can identify four essential characteristics of love:

The care: it implies take care of your loved one, be attentive and interested in their well-being. It is concern for the life and growth of the loved one. Caring is not overprotecting or doing everything for that person, it is rather valuing and wanting that person to be well.The responsability: this element is the response to the needs, expressed or not, of the other person. It is not fulfilling one’s duty, it is acting, giving and responding to that other person to whom we are united.I respect: is see a person as they are, accept and be aware of your individuality. Respect entails genuine concern for the other person’s growth and a desire for them to develop as they are on their own.Knowledge: is to approach from the acceptance to the inner world of the other, in order to know him. It is opening up to the possibility of seeing him as he is and recognizing in him a being full of virtues and potential.

These four characteristics highlight to us that loving is not only a romantic passion, but also caring about the well-being of the loved person, responding to their needs, accepting them as they are and trying to know them deeply. Cultivating these components can help us build stronger and more satisfying romantic relationships.

Stages of relationships

The duration of each stage varies from one relationship to another and depends on the sociohistorical context in which the encounter between both people occurs. There are also other factors that come into play, which can reduce, expand or disrupt the stages of relationships.

For example, a work published in Developmental Psychology pointed out that the age of the couple’s members regulates the duration of the relationship, jealousy, support, negative interactions and other circumstances that mediate the time and quality of the love bond.

Another study published in Journal of Youth and Adolescence In 2021, it was reported that the accumulated experiences of romantic relationships, as well as the moment at which they begin, affect short- and long-term psychosocial adjustment. This adjustment can play a leading role in the way a relationship develops in the present..

Finally, communication, motivation and commitment patterns also come into play when talking about love dynamics. Thus, the stages of couple relationships that we have compiled can manifest themselves differently depending on all these factors. They are a reference, but they can be of great help during the process.

1. Fall in love

It is one of the stages of relationships full of intense emotions, “butterflies in the stomach” and strong desires to stay with each other. This stage is associated with physiological and psychological activation. Desire and passion, with or without sexual activity, become its main ingredients, which bring out intense fantasy and creativity, with which to surprise the other person.

In love, all the focus is on common aspects that the two individuals share. Therefore, understanding and comprehension are present in their encounters, without barely perceiving the aspects that differentiate them as different people.

Due to the magic of the moment, and the desired encounters, arguments and conflicts tend to be avoided. Therefore, The beginning of a relationship is an exciting stage. of discovery of the other, which we would like to never end.

Within this stage we find several phases:

Phase 1. sexual attraction. You could say that it is what we know as “liking”. Phase 2. Hypervaluation. It is the idealization of the other. Phase 3. Appropriation of the other. During this phase the person begins to be aware of the possibility of incorporating the other person into their life.Phase 4. Reciprocity in falling in love. It is a phase in which both parties feel great happiness, since their love has been reciprocated.Phase 5. End of love. The feeling of passion and purely physical attraction begins to decline, as does the idealization towards the other member. They begin to recognize each other’s defects and shortcomings.

2. Knowledge

In this second of the stages of couple relationships, falling in love gives way to deeper and more intimate knowledge of the other person. And to the discovery of the differences and peculiarities of both.

Each person, unique and singular, begins to show themselves as they are, in their totality and autonomy.. Also, she begins to share his personal experiences and experiences. There is no longer so much idealization, but the encounter begins to be more real.

3. Beginning of the relationship

Here both subjects decide to start a stable relationship. They have the will to be together and are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work. In this phase, commitment is crucial to ensure the romantic bond.

The emotional bond that they have been developing is strengthened, the relationship begins to become more intimate and deeper. In addition, they spend more time together and make future plans that have been agreed upon at other times.

During this stage of love, it is common for many individuals to make the decision to live together or start a family, since they feel safe, cared for, appreciated and valued. Generally, they continue to believe that the other person is “the love of her life” and that nothing and no one will be able to separate them.

4. Coexistence

After a period of acquaintance, where the attention has been on the projection of a life together, it is decided to share a life. From coexistence and the home chosen by both, a moment is born in the relationship full of new experiences and new challenges.

Sexual activity may decrease due to routine, responsibilities and burdens. Love is expressed in another way, perhaps in the form of support and understanding. Differences may arise in the way conflicts are resolved and it will be necessary to seek agreements and negotiations.

Although coexistence is a big step, you must be patient when moving towards it, since can have an unfavorable impact on the functioning of the relationshipThis is suggested by a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology. However, more studies are required to corroborate these results.

5. Disappointment

Disappointment makes visible the imperfections and defects that each person has in the relationship and that had not been perceived in the previous stages. This stage can occur slowly or abruptly.. During its course, it is common for them to begin to get angry over small things and to feel less loved or cared for.

Because of this, many relationships end and fail in this phase. It is one of the most important stages in love, as it allows you to discover the true nature of the other. The idealized and illusory vision gives way to a more realistic and objective vision of the relationship.

Disappointment is a critical point at which People must define whether they love the other enough to accept them completely. as it is. This stage tests the love that the couple has for each other and the ability to face the harsh reality that not everything is as they expect, nor as they want.

6. Self-affirmation

In this phase Individual needs arise, and the defense of them. It is time to consider doing separate activities, respecting the established bond and commitment. Conflicts may arise due to unresolved personal crises.

It is like a reunion with oneself after having spent a season focused on the other and in the relationship. As individual needs arise again, each person decides to focus on themselves, at least for a few moments.

7. Overcoming the crisis

In this stage of love, the couple is able to overcome the discrepancies between them and build a more stable and authentic relationship. Idealizations have been eliminated and we learn to live with, accept and value others for who they are.

If people can accept their differences, they can reach new agreements and the relationship can continue. However, when they do, everything is much better than before, because they realize what is causing pain and conflict in the relationship and are able to genuinely open up and accept each other as they are.

By putting aside illusions, they begin to recognize themselves as simple, imperfect and vulnerable human beings.. By going through the challenges that life has imposed on them, they learn to be a couple that understands and supports each other, leading to a healthy and lasting relationship. That’s when true love blossoms.

8. Growth

Coming this far, the couple decides deepen their relationship, which becomes more mature and stable. It is the time to make decisions that revolve around common projects, such as having a family, making a joint investment (the purchase of an apartment, a car, and so on) and others that further consolidate the union.

It is a stage where It appears again the excitement, excitement and enthusiasm for sharing what you both have decided to create. For continuing to build your future and life project together.

9. Adaptation

Life goes on, and changes happen, if you adapt to them, the relationship is consolidated and matures. It is a time for consolidation or breakout, since the personal and shared scale of values ​​are questioned. New interests arise due to changes, such as the independence of children, retirement, illnesses, etc.

It may be a of the stages of reunionsince the demands, responsibilities and burdens of life are…