The difference between venting and unloading on others

All people experience moments of rage, anger, frustration or annoyance. It is okay to get angry, the key is how we express that discomfort. Do you know the difference between venting and unloading on others?

There are several differences between both situations. When we vent to someone, we do it to feel relief, releasing that anger we feel inside. Even if we are angry, we may be able to take responsibility for part of the problem we are expressing.

On the other hand, when we unload on someone, we do so from victimhood and trying to blame others for our problem or our anger. We enter a loop, which, far from playing in our favor to find solutions to problems, It can cause us to do and hurt ourselves a lot. What other differences are there between one situation and another? Let’s see them!

Rage, anger and anger: what are they?

When we are hurt, our expectations are not met, we are deceived, or we make mistakes, we can experience rage, rage, or annoyance. These emotions are natural and help us set limits, if we express them appropriately.

Anger is the emotion we experience when we perceive a situation of injustice; also, when something is deprived or taken from us. Anger is also an emotion characterized by feelings of anger of varying intensity. Anger is expressed through resentment or irritability. Anger is a mood alteration that causes various reactions: fury, desire for revenge, indignation…

The expression of emotions

All these emotions can be expressed in different ways: writing, screaming, crying, breaking things, with self-aggression or heteroaggression…

Logically, There are ways that are more adaptive than others to express them.. Thus, while venting on someone (in the right amount) would be an adaptive and functional strategy, venting on others would be maladaptive.

Because? Because it does not allow us to get out of that loop of negativity that we feel and, furthermore, we hurt the other (something that does not happen in venting). Let’s learn in more detail the difference between venting and unloading on others, whether anger, rage or rage.

The difference between venting and unloading on others

What difference do we find between venting and unloading on others? As we will see, in one situation and another, we manifest different behaviors and, furthermore, we provoke different emotions or reactions in the other.

Signs that you are letting off steam

When you vent to someone, or when someone does it to you, the behaviors that appear are the following (not all of them need to appear):

You have the feeling of growing calm.The relief is carried out in relation to a specific topic. It lasts a limited time. The intention is to blame the other.Victimhood does not predominate.You assume your responsibilities. After the initial moments, you are able to build a bridge.We are capable of awakening empathy in others.

Signs that you are downloading

On the other hand, when we unload on someone (or when someone does it on us), the behaviors or symptoms that appear are the following:

The feeling of discomfort increases. It gives us the feeling that problems are growing.We feel that we have no responsibility or influence over what has happened.In our speech We try to blame others much more than find solutions.We start within a loop and exit the conversation within the same loop.

What to do if they are downloaded on us?

Perhaps you have experienced this experience on some occasion. What can you do in these cases? We leave you some ideas:

Set limits: you can resort to “you’re very nervous now, we’ll talk when you’re calmer.”Make an effort to build a dialogue rather than a monologue. Of course, making it clear that you are not an “emotional dump.” If these two actions don’t work for you, leave.

Remember that protecting yourself from these situations is a form of self-care. We can be empathetic with our loved ones, but also we have to put assertiveness into practice: being able to set our own limits to avoid situations that hurt us and that we do not have to endure.

How to go from downloading to venting without hurting others?

And you, do you vent or unload on others? If you are more of the latter, we leave you a trick to start changing this situation. When you feel intense inner rage and feel like you need to vent, don’t do it with the first person who passes by and impulsively. Stand up, close your eyes and take small deep breaths.

When you’re calmer, try to figure out what strategy you can use to express your anger: maybe writing, drawing, screaming in a place where you can do it…

After putting any of these strategies into practice, it is time to talk to the other. Because there you will be letting off steam, and not downloading.

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