Rubin’s scale: this is how love is measured

Can love be measured? Is there any instrument validated by science to do this? As striking as it may seem to us, the answer is yes. Rubin’s balance is one of the first questionnaires designed to empirically measure love between two people. Even more, one of its purposes is also to know if what we feel for that person is an affection similar to friendship or is a real passion.

We could say that this resource would be a perfect ally for those eternally indecisive people who tell us that “I know I like you, but I don’t know if I feel anything more for you.”. While it is true that few feelings are as recognizable and deep as love, there are still those who apparently struggle in a sea of ​​doubts…

On the other hand, many of those who insist that this feeling cannot be measured as such ignore that there are neurochemical indicators that can reveal this state. Because, although we love with the body, the heart and the senses, the one who falls in love first is the brain. And there are objective indicators that can demonstrate it.

Now, what happens on a psychological level? How can it be quantified?

The Rubin scale seeks to differentiate if someone only feels liking for another person or if it is authentic love.

Rubin Scale, a scale to measure love: what does it consist of?

Throughout the history of psychology we can identify several serious attempts to measure love. We have one of the best known in Gary Chapman’s best-selling book from 1992, The 5 love languages. He theorized that there are five behaviors that express love: words, the desire to share time, gifts, doing services for another, and physical desire.

Chapman’s work was later analyzed in research works such as those carried out at the University of Houston-Downtown. And indeed, she revealed significant validity in quantifying love. Likewise, it is also important to refer to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love and its three components: intimacy-passion and commitment.

Now, it is interesting to know that before these well-known figures, there was someone who was a pioneer in this field. Social psychologist Zick Rubin was the author of the first empirical measurement of love: Rubin’s balance.

The three components of love

Rubin won the Sociopsychological Award from the American Association for the Advancement of Science in 1969. This allowed him to begin a pioneering study that lasted decades. The objective was none other than to measure love and understand the development of relationships over time. It was an expensive study that many later criticized, and even considered useless.

In fact, even today, there are many who consider that measuring love is little more than an entelechy. However, it is still interesting to admit that this has always been an objective of psychology.

It was in 1970 when he published a first preview of these results, which he materialized in a questionnaire known as the Rubin balance. It was validated in 158 couples and allowed them to reveal that, According to his research, love came from three components:

Attachment: the need to establish a bond based on secure attachment, where all needs are met.Careful: Caring and being cared for is a basic pillar in every relationship.Privacy: the ability to share thoughts, needs and create an enriching emotional space between two is decisive.

Be careful, maybe it’s not love: the three components of friendship

Two years after presenting his Rubin balance scale, he presented a new work entitled Liking and loving: an invitation to social psychology. Something this social psychologist insisted on was the need to differentiate liking from love.. In other words, knowing how to discriminate the classic “I like you” from “I love you.”

For this reason, Rubin defends that liking (friendship) is conceptualized through three feelings:

Warmth. Feeling of cordiality and well-being when we are with that person, feeling empathy, etc.Closeness. Every friendship is nourished by that proximity with which to share the same interests, values, confidences, etc.Admiration for the other. Good friends admire each other.

Now, knowing that friendship is made up of these dimensions, we can ask ourselves if we do not also admire and feel close to our partners. Indeed, we do. However, When we fall in love, attachment, intimacy and the need for care take precedence, than those variables that make up simple liking.

Therefore, to measure love, it is essential to distinguish one sphere from the other. The one in which the pleasure becomes more physical and the need to share life and experiences becomes something deeper.

When we love, according to Rubin’s scale, we feel responsible for the well-being of the other.

Rubin’s scale: what questions does it raise?

The Rubin balance scale consists of two scales with 12 items each. In a simple and very basic way, a series of questions arise in which we must reflect on our relationships.

Thanks to these questions, we should decide if it is love or liking, if the infatuation is authentic or if what we feel for that person is simple friendship.

pleasantness scale

1. When I am with ……….. we almost always have the same mood.
2. I think that ………… is a person I can always trust.
3. I would highly recommend ………… for responsible work.
4. In my opinion, …………. She is an exceptionally mature person.
5. I have a lot of confidence in the good judgment of …………
6. Most people should know how sensational …………… is.
7. I think that ………… and I are quite similar.
8. I would vote for ………… in a class or group election.
9. I think …………… is one of those people who gains respect immediately.
10. I feel that ………. He is a person with whom I share many values
eleven. ………. She is one of the nicest people I know.
12. …………… is the type of person I would like to be.
13. It seems to me that I can count on ………… in any situation.

Rubin’s Balance Love Scale

1. If ……… felt bad, I would do anything to help/comfort him.
2. I feel like I can trust ……….. for anything.
3. My first thought when I wake up is for …………
4. I would do almost anything for …………..
5. I can’t spend a day away from …………
6. I fantasize about the future living with ………
7. One of my main concerns is the well-being of ………….
8. It is very difficult for me to get angry with ………..
9. I have fantasies about ………….
10. When I am with …………. I spend a lot of time looking at him/her.
11. I would very much like you to …………. She trusted me with everything in her life.
12. It would be difficult for me to live without ……………

In conclusion. It should be noted that this scale was designed in the 70s. It may undoubtedly seem basic and perhaps simplistic to us. However, it is still the first scientific attempt to measure love.

In fact, organizations such as Science Progress even said that Rubin’s scale was the greatest advance in research on this subject. Others, however, did not see the point because love, for many, cannot be quantified.

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