12 Unexpected Signs of a Toxic Partner You Need to Get Away From ASAP

Social institutions such as family and marriage have undergone many changes. People marry later and less often, divorces happen all the time, and single parenting isn’t all that different anymore. The reasons for divorces are the most diverse: conflict, infidelity, non-compliance with obligations and others. However, in the breakdown of relationships, it is more common for people to blame their partner than themselves.

We, from awesome.club, we believe that many people idealize partners at first and then, over time, start to wonder why such a wonderful person suddenly turned out to be a con artist. However, the alarming signs can be seen early on. The main thing is to look carefully and not confuse manipulation with romance.

Some people are not very proactive or willing to compromise, which is normal. However someone toxic doesn’t want to decide for themselves; instead, he takes his partner’s suggestion, but later blames him for all the problems when things go wrong.

This type of person will suggest to their “soul mate” to choose a restaurant for lunch or choose a certain path, but in the end they will complain. Horrible food, inadequate service, bad weather… what a waste of time! If necessary, he will invent reasons to complain.

Manipulators act in a very simple way: they run away from decisions and then blame others. People like that can cause unpleasant feelings in their partners, even if they are innocent. Sometimes manipulation is disguised as an act of affection or romance.

The manipulative spouse will, for example, support the wife’s (or husband’s) desire to return to work after her maternity leave, only to be suffocated with complaints such as, “It’s so bad without you at home”, “We’re sorry I miss you so much”. Even insulting the partner, he will not be able to apologize. Rather, he will at least partially try to shift the blame onto the victim of the assault.

Another category of toxic partners is what psychologists know as “freeloaders.” These people seem very friendly and kind. It’s just that all his actions are motivated by personal gain.

For example: “I will give you flowers and you will cook me dinner”. Or “I’m going to get you a nice gift so I can get what I want from you.” That’s how profiteers think. Until the right time comes, they wear the mask of loving partners, and when something goes wrong, they show their true colors.

A toxic man may want to control his partner (and vice versa) but be afraid to take control directly. Soon, he tends to opt for tricks. For example, as she gets dressed to go out with her friends, he throws in the bait: “I feel so bad, I’m going to stay home. And you, of course, can go out and have a wonderful time with your friends.” And then, she’s embarrassed to leave. The boyfriend, of course, comes out on top in such a situation.

Another type of affair: the girl doesn’t want the guy to go to a party with her. However, instead of forbidding it, she feigns concern: “You look tired. Stay at home and rest, I’ll manage on my own”.

A compliment never hurt anyone. Still, unfortunately, behind the beautiful phrases, some people can hide dirty manipulations. For example, an overly romantic statement: “No one will love you as much as I do.”

Translating this sentence from the language of manipulators into the usual language, it would look something like this: “You are only good for me. If you leave, you will be alone forever”. In addition, such a statement hides an attempt at control: “Nobody will love you, because I am the only one who serves you”.

The desire for extreme intimacy is one of the signs of abusive relationships. The toxic partner may call their “soulmate” all the time, ask to turn on the camera and make surprises by meeting their “love” after work. Or becoming a texting maniac when your partner isn’t around and then saying, “I get really worried when you don’t text me back.”

In movies and books, this behavior is often portrayed through a romantic lens and appears to be unmistakable proof of love. In real life, it indicates attempts at control and should serve as a warning.

Scientists divide the issue of jealousy into two categories: the reactive and the suspicious. Reactive jealousy, as the term itself suggests, occurs as a reaction to a real act by a partner, for example, adultery or direct flirting. Suspicious jealousy, on the other hand, is not based on facts, but on paranoia. For example, the partner is on the phone with a colleague. “Of course they are having an affair!” Or stays on social media for a long time: “sure, she’s getting someone.”

The reactive side is even healthy. The second category is a red flag. People like this tend to be anxious, have low self-esteem and expect constant proof of love from their partners. However, proving something to a pathologically jealous man (or a woman with these characteristics) is impossible. Life with such a person quickly turns into hell.

It’s okay to take care of each other. However, it’s not normal to put all the weight of your life on your partner’s shoulders. When a person’s worth is determined by the benefit they bring to their spouse, the relationship becomes toxic. And this can happen in two ways.

For example, one partner may feel obligated to make the other person’s life comfortable, because otherwise he or she feels useless or unnecessary.

In a healthy relationship, one person can openly express thoughts and feelings, share opinions, and set boundaries with the partner. In a troubled relationship, however, these barriers are almost permanently violated and ignored.

Negligence can manifest itself even in small actions that seem romantic. For example, the husband asked not to post private photos on social networks and, the next day, the photos with his wife were already on Instagram. Even though she put a “cute” caption on the image, it doesn’t change the fact that she flouted what was agreed upon.

It’s one thing for a man to say “I think I’m in love” on the third date. Quite another thing is for him to solemnly say, “You are the love of my life” right off the bat. Strong statements like that early on are characteristic of narcissistic people.

But what’s so bad about expressing one’s feelings too soon? Simple: an idealized image. It is very likely that, as the relationship unfolds, people get to know each other better and everything that was initially imagined (or a good part of it) is lost. The person in love will be disappointed and their behavior may become aloof or even aggressive.

Disrespectful comments (or total silence) about past relationships are not usually constructive. Unfortunately, many people don’t realize that this type of assessment is a very bad sign in the beginning of a relationship. Still others tend to romanticize the situation, “buying” the idea that the person was a victim of the ex, which is also terrible. An example: “The ex-husband didn’t like her, so she cheated on him. But I will show you what true love is.”

If a man does not talk about the past, then he can hide shameful things that it would be better to warn his partner about. And if he talks bad about his ex or brags about how he got revenge, chances are he will do the same with his new partner.

The toxic person wants to control the partner and prevent him from communicating with “unwanted” colleagues. Control can be exercised in a variety of ways: by leading questions (“Will you go out with your friends or would you rather stay home with me?”), by blackmail (“It’s me or them”), and even by “accidents”. This is a true story from the author of this article.

My ex-boyfriend, Luiz, never told me not to go out alone. Still, every time I planned to date someone without him, he would suddenly get sick, call me and ask me in a dying voice to go and hold his hand. I was 18 years old and believed it was just little health problems. And it was nice to believe that I had “healing powers”. It all became clear when my classmates and I were chatting about going out in the mountains for the weekend. Half an hour later, Luiz called me happily saying that he had bought super expensive tickets for a show that would take place that same weekend in another city. And he added: “It’s my gift to you, you can pack your bags!” When I said that I had other plans and that he should let me know beforehand, Luiz burst out: “You’re more interested in going out with other men, right? What are you going to do in the mountains?” And then he read my messages and promptly ruined my plans. I dumped the guy and he was “sick” for a month. Afterwards, he told our friends that I had never appreciated what he did for me.

What kind of bad behavior from your partner would you be willing to forgive? And why would a relationship end on time? Leave your comment!