The difference between “like” and “being in love,” according to science

What is the difference between “like” and “being in love”? For the vast majority it will be a no-brainer. On the other hand, for others it is a matter of great importance. Sometimes it is not easy to clarify if what we feel is mere attraction and desire or if there are deeper feelings.

For some people, there seem to be a lot of gray areas when trying to tease apart emotional feelings. It is not always easy to figure out if what you feel for another person is significant enough to jump into a serious relationship. Will be worth? Should I take the step or maybe this feeling will fade in a few weeks?

Thus, when we start dating someone we are attracted to, it is always easier to say “I like you.” It is more innocuous, almost diluted, and facilitates that everyday connection that accompanies simple flirting. However, A “I love you” mobilizes much deeper as well as transcendent emotions.

Now… What happens when things are not completely clear? How can we clarify it?

“I like it” and “being in love”: how are they different?

“The truth is that I’m still not clear about what I feel about you. I only know I like you”. Maybe at some point in our lives someone has told us this same phrase or perhaps we have uttered it ourselves. It is the doubt that can assail one when one is very young and love is still made of multiple insecurities and even chiaroscuros.

Like, attract, want… Don’t these terms mean the same thing? Isn’t falling in love a conjunction of all those dimensions? The truth is that yes. Love is made up of many processes: desire, sexual attraction, complicity, desire to share time, life, agreements, commitments… However, you can also feel sexual desire and not love.

Sooner or later, you learn to understand the difference between “I like it” and “being in love”, but to understand it clearly, there is nothing better than discovering what science tells us.

love is in the eyes

To differentiate sincere affection from sexual desire, Scientists recommend paying attention to how they look at us or how we look at others. We could say that the gaze is the reflection of the soul, but in reality it is more of the intentions, needs and the emotional universe. This type of non-verbal language does not lie and is very revealing in these cases.

According to a research paper from the University of Geneva, A person’s gaze changes depending on whether their goal is love or just sexual desire. In the latter, desire is accompanied by sexual fantasies. It is a more cognitive and instinctive process, that is, desire is accompanied by erotic ideas and thoughts.

However, the eyes that look at the other through the filter of falling in love do so in a more tender way and there is a more emotional component. This does not mean that sexual desire also exists, however, a warmer and deeper feeling prevails oriented towards bonding and not so much towards sex as such.

The difference between “like” and “being in love”: I need to be with you

Voltaire said that love is the strongest of passions and that this feeling attacks the mind, body and heart.. In some way, that is the key: an emotional depth that is accompanied by the constant need for closeness. One cannot live without the other person (although in reality one can).

It is impossible for us to go a day without hearing from him or her. That person occupies almost any space in our mind, thoughts, desires and obsessions. Let’s not forget that addictive component that love has. Dopamine, oxytocin and adrenaline are those neurochemicals that inject us with a feeling of euphoria and the need for closeness that orchestrates falling in love.

However, love transcends desire to draw a deeper and more committed knot. Thus, The difference between “I like it” and “being in love” lies in the authentic and unconditional need for commitment and bonding.. However, we could also detail other dimensions:

When we like someone we have a good time with that person, but there is no constant “need” to be with them.Love implies daily concern for the other, the desire to care for them, to know their thoughts.their dreams and way of being. Someone we like can generate desire and butterflies in our stomach, but there is not always the deep feeling that that man or woman becomes someone integral to our life.When we like someone we want perfection. A single defect can scare us away. We don’t tolerate what you don’t like. Instead, love is unconditional. When we love someone, we accept them wholeheartedly as an individual.When we like someone, the more you get to know that person, the more their charm wears off. As the excitement of knowing and loving the person fades, you begin to lose interest and distance yourself. On the contrary, when we love someone, we love being with them more. Liking someone leads us to live more in the moment. The excitement of being with someone you like only lasts for the present moment or a short period of time. On the other hand, loving someone makes us look forward. We plan a future. We plan and desire a meaningful relationship, a home, and spending the rest of our lives with that person.

The prisms of love

Love, fall in love, desire, like, want, attract, need… Affection has many prisms, many faces that can sometimes be confused. And what’s worse, in our confusion we can hurt others. It is not always easy to understand the difference between “like” and “being in love”, which is why, sometimes, we make mistakes and start relationships that soon end in failure.

Love also requires meticulous learning. No one comes into the world knowing everything about what is perhaps the most complex matter in the human being. However, let’s face it, such an adventure is usually worth it.

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