The consequences of parental abandonment

Childhood is a key stage in psychological and emotional development. The interaction with our parents and all their decisions affect the vision we have of ourselves and the world. Thus, although we are often not aware of the damage caused in our early years, certain experiences, such as parental abandonment, can leave deep marks.

Growing up, many of those who lived through this harsh experience can affirm that the impact on them was slight or that they have already overcome it. However, It is enough to observe their attitudes, thoughts and behaviors to see how this abandonment continues to direct from the shadows.. In order to be aware of what is happening, we present the main consequences that can be detected in these cases.

What is parental abandonment?

Before listing the consequences of parental abandonment, it is important to know what it consists of. And it is that The absence of a parent who was never present cannot be considered parental abandonment., for example, in the case of single mothers by choice. Likewise, in a family made up of two fathers or two mothers, it cannot be said that there is any type of abandonment, even though there is no figure of the opposite gender.

Furthermore, it has been shown that growing up in this type of family does not represent any disadvantage for the child compared to peers who grow up in heteroparental families.

So, Parental abandonment occurs when a parent (man or woman) who, at some point, was part of the child’s life, stops doing so.. But it not only designates cases in which the father or mother physically leaves the child’s life, it also refers to the symbolic abandonment that occurs when the father, despite being present, is not emotionally attached. That is to say, he ignores the care of the minor, is continually busy with other matters and is, in short, absent on an emotional level.

The consequences of parental abandonment

The consequences derived from said abandonment, real or symbolic, can be serious and especially affect on the emotional level. Furthermore, although they usually begin to manifest during childhood, they frequently persist into adulthood, perhaps at an unconscious level. They are, mainly, the following.

Guilt and low self-esteem

It is common for minors to blame themselves for the departure of the parent who abandoned them. They may feel that they are not valuable enough, since their father or mother showed no interest in them or in staying by their side, but they may also think that they did something wrong that triggered the abandonment.

So, They grow up with a huge feeling of guilt and low self-esteem. If the person who should love me most in the world chose not to be by my side, I must be really bad or worthless. A logical thought in the situation that we describe and that can cause damage that is very difficult to repair.

Inability to bond

It is also common for a person who has suffered parental abandonment to have problems bonding emotionally with other people.

The distrust and suspicion of the minor is established, first of all, with the parent who does take care of him. Furthermore, it is possible that these emotions are extrapolated to other family, friendship or other relationships, preventing them from developing normally.

Fear of abandonment

This is undoubtedly the main consequence from which the most important consequences derive. And the child who is abandoned grows up with the fear that the rest of the people around him will also abandon him; It may or may not happen, but the mere anticipation causes great distress. A fear that can make them very submissive and dependent, extremely complacent and not very assertive..

Other consequences of parental abandonment

In addition to the above, it is common for school problems to occur, both academically and behaviorally. These minors They will also have an increased risk of developing addictions and many other psychological disorders.. And, additionally, they will maintain more rigid attitudes and experience difficulties in adapting to the changes that may occur in their lives.

If they do not find the containment, support and security necessary to process abandonment in their immediate environment, it will continue to hinder their adult development. People who are reluctant to bond emotionally, are excessively anxious and fearful of losing the affection of others, and have low self-esteem are especially vulnerable to the effects of this abandonment.

So, Psychological therapy aimed at redefining the experience can be of great help to leave behind the weight or erroneous learning of the past, even those that occurred in childhood.

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