The art of distancing and taking perspective in 7 steps

Faced with the tribulations of existence, it is advisable cultivate two important attitudes: serenity and contentment. With the first, we can arrive at keep calm even in the most difficult situations. Through the second, we learn to enjoy what life presents usand we are satisfied with what we have

“The one who has the most is not rich, but the one who needs the least.”

Both qualities are not easy to improvise and require learning. Or rather, could it be said that this is precisely one of the main lessons that should be drawn from the experience of living?

In any case, it is a psychological attitude that is not alien to us, since We all have to a greater or lesser degree that serenity and contentment that allow us to carry on with our activities every day.

But it’s okay be more aware of it if it fits. Train from time to time in the art of distancing it is a good practice to achieve it.

Distancing: A Family Phenomenon

Distancing is something It occurs on many levels of existence.

so when in the morning when we get up we quickly go to the bathroom to wash up and then get dressed, don’t we show with these acts a distancing from the purely material or animal?

Well, when we wash ourselves, we get rid of certain dirt derived from biological processes we accept but in which we do not want to see ourselves too involved. And with the act of putting clothes on our skin we emphasize that we are not mere animals.

In fact, it could be said that human culturein its varied artistic and technological manifestations, It is a way to distance yourself from the purely natural.

Although it is also clear that there cannot be a total separation, but a necessary balance between nature and culture.

even when we eatwe distance ourselves from food using cutlery and it is pleasant for us to do it on a clean table.

Why doesn’t anyone like to be called “pig”? Because the name of that innocent animal evokes a too direct contact with materiality. Its mouth and snout always at ground level, its ability to eat almost any type of food and even in the midst of dirt, as well as its growls, are attributes we don’t like to identify with.

During childhood we learn little by little to distance ourselves from the immediacy of the objects that surround us as well as from the sensations and emotions that they cause us.

It is difficult for a child to understand the rules that parents and educators want to instill in him. Only upon reaching the so-called “use of reason”At approximately the age of seven, he begins to understand better, since he is capable of reflection, which is precisely the psychological ability to distance to some extent from experiences in order to be able to understand them.

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At the end of existence when understanding has been gained, we must, however, distance ourselves from many things that were previously mainsuch as work, fame or certain pleasures.

But if the aforementioned qualities of serenity and contentment have been increasing, old age can be as happy a time as any other.

Distance yourself: when less is more

It’s not easy to distance of events at a given time. This is so because from the moment we are born we are accustomed to constantly reacting to stimuli that come to us from abroad, as well as to take into account the social conventions in which we are educated.

It is normal for this to happen, but in turn, if we only attend to the immediate, the possibility of having other types of experiences is limited as or more important.

we are always living day to day in what is called the waking state, often stressful and relieved with the coming of sleep night.

Let’s not forget that sleeping and dreaming is another natural form of distancing. Ordinary consciousness withdraws into its primitive organic base to rest and regeneratewhile the mind gives rise to dream experiences.

It’s not easy either control the constant flow of thoughts and emotions running through the mind. We have already seen that the calm reflection It is a necessary form of distancing for concepts to become ideas or fleeting emotions into deeper feelings.

And not only that: the most recent research in neuropsychology surprises us by stating that what our brain spends more energy on is not processing information that comes to us through the senses, but in filtering it so that consciousness is not saturated with unnecessary data.

That is, although we have the capacity to store a tremendously high number of information (like remembering, for example, each of the license plates of the cars that we see absently every day), the brain prevents us from being aware of it.

there is then a convenient distancing the accumulation of sensations and perceptions. Here also what is fulfilled is that less is more.

Calm reflection is a form of distancing so that concepts become ideas or fleeting emotions become deeper feelings.

7 ways to meet again through the distance

It’s not hard to have occasions to distance yourself and return enriched by experiences that increase our capacity to understand and love. Let’s see a few Examples available to everyone.

Nature. Approaching natural spaces –be it the sea, the mountains or a small garden– means a return to the roots that sustain life. There we forget about the worries and burdens of our often artificial urban existence. There is room to breathe and contemplate.Journey. Moving away from the home where we normally live and visiting a “different” place widens one’s perspective on life. New faces and landscapes, other languages and foods… The world is big and diverse; our smallness is less by recognizing and appreciating it.Art. In any of its forms (music, literature, painting, architecture…), if art manages to convey truth and beauty, it helps us free ourselves from the heaviness of matter; it is like flying for a few moments both near and far from ourselves.Share. Giving others something of ours – time, money or any object – is a way of expanding our little self a little, recognizing the “us”. Sometimes it is enough to rejoice in the good things that happen to others.Forget. It is not good to always be submerged in problems. You have to stick your head out from time to time and breathe. Or even swim further, until you reach the mainland where you can rest easy. Better not dwell on negative experiences.Humor. Sometimes laughing at yourself, or at so many absurd situations in life, is healthy and convenient. Taking things with humor is a way to de-dramatize them and helps to relativize sorrows (“There is no harm that does not come for good”).Detachment. Understanding that we don’t own anything forever, not even the body, and that we are merely usufructuaries for a while, should give us a feeling of lightness and offer an occasion to appreciate what is really important in life.

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Seek a new perspective

It should be clear that the distancing discussed here It should not be understood as something negativea fall into indifference, skepticism or nihilism.

On the contrary, it is a question of distancing yourself on occasions from what is happening in order to to be able to live it from a broader and clearer perspective. Without misting up the glass with the vapor that comes out of the mouth, as children do when they go to a shop window to look at toys. We can thus gain equanimity.

We are all subjective by nature, but we can increase the degree of objectivity and being able at a given moment to put ourselves in the place of the other. Of understand the reasons and needs of another person, which is always convenient both in personal relationships and between nations.

Also, consider things with greater perspective helps to free yourself from certain thoughts or emotions that can become obsessed at any given time.

Let’s take for example the terror that some people arouse travel by airplane. It is clear that anyone, when faced with the prospect of flying, thinks of the possibility that there may be an accident. It’s just that most forget or distance themselves from such a thought, while certain people can’t get it off their mind and then they are in a panic.

It also happens sometimes, strange as it may seem, that instead of detaching ourselves from the experiences of suffering, we stick to them due to a wrong perspective.

There is, in effect, people who at a given moment “decide” (it is difficult to distinguish whether voluntarily or involuntarily) that they will continue to suffer, either because they consider that they deserve it or because they are going to be unable to overcome it. that stranger “attachment” to suffering It is more common than you might think.

Time, as they say, puts things in their place. What at a given moment can be experienced as a tragedy –for example, the end of a first adolescent love–, is commented over the years as if it were a funny comedy.

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But it doesn’t take long for the pain of bad experiences to dull, just take a positive attitude.

As a Tibetan proverb says: “If a problem can be solved, you have to do everything possible to solve it. But if you don’t, it’s better to forget it.”

What do we gain by taking distance

It’s advisable take life easy and this is achieved with moments of healthy distancing. We see then that many disputes are unnecessary and that what unites people is more important than what apparently separates them.

From the distance of a spaceshipthe Earth is seen as a beautiful blue jewel that floats in the dark and in which we all live; the borders fade as we rise from the ground.

It may even be recommended not always be aware of thoughts and emotionsseparating us as it were from the most external and agitated part of one’s own mind.

You can have moments of contemplation, like prayer if you are a believer or calm and silent meditation in any case. consciousness separates then of the little ego and goes towards a transpersonal dimension where he finds peace. It is therefore a paradoxical distance to meet.

In the words of Sogyal Rinpoche: “To meditate is to completely break with our ‘normal’ way of operating, since it is a free from all worries and concerns in which there is no competition, there is no desire to own anything, there is no internal struggle, no anguish or longing for achievement; it is a state in which there is neither acceptance nor rejection, neither hope nor fear; a state in which, little by little, we begin to let go of all those emotions and concepts that hold us prisoner, to enter the space of natural simplicity”.