The 5 stages of zero contact: healing after a breakup

Surely you have heard about the stages of zero contact after a breakup, as it is a strategy very well integrated into popular knowledge. Thanks to psychologists specialized in couples and emotional intelligence, what was meant to be put into practice informally was standardized: cutting all contact with an ex to heal individually.

And, although it may seem otherwise, Many emotional and cognitive dynamics are still present after the breakup and persist several months later. Telling about the day, seeking comfort, sharing a meme, going on a hike in the mountains… All of this disappears from the routine, but not from the head.

For this reason it is easy to re-establish contact with that person, thus jeopardizing the decision made and falling back into those habits that led to breaking up. Furthermore, no matter how toxic the bond was, relational grief always invites you to return to it. Did these arguments convince you? Well, let’s get to know these stages of zero contact in more detail.

Breakup and relational grief

Someone who has just left a relationship enters a stage of healing. It comes from suffering, from abandoning the good that that person brought and facing the absence of it. She may have emotional wounds and must learn to cope on her own. in some area of ​​daily life.

This state of psychological vulnerability leads, as expected, to seek encouragement and help from others, which is why it is likely to turn towards the ex-partner. However, this would only revive what we want to distance ourselves from.

Why is zero contact recommended?

For all of the above, as stated in a degree work published by the University of Salamanca, Zero contact proposes radically cutting off communication with the other person, that is, both in person and through networks and chats. This results in benefits such as the following:

Overcome the self-deception of returning to an ex. Achieve emotional detachment from the other person. Time to heal and resume individual dynamics. Abandon toxic and harmful practices, along with their emotional impact. Resume your own activities and customs, achieving an increase in self-esteem. and feeling of reunion with oneself.

What are the stages of zero contact?

To carry out zero contact there are certain steps. Although they can be done simultaneously, It is best to give them one at a time to better manage this withdrawal. Let’s dig into each phase.

1. Cut physical and digital communication

Block and, if necessary, delete their contact from your phone and social networks. If he manages to contact you in any way, do not respond. Depending on the type of relationship you had, you can notify him or not. It’s up to you.

2. Ask your loved ones for support

If you have family or friends in common, it is advisable to ask them not to talk to you about that person. Make it clear that you carry out the zero contact strategy and that it is your decision if you want to hear from your ex again. sometime. Likewise, if anyone close to you has opinions about your breakup, it is your right to ask them to spare them. Also resist asking about him/her.

3. Restrict activities and common places

Although after a while you can go back to him, for now, It is better to avoid places where they meet and not do activities that they did as a couple. In this way, you accelerate the process of reunion with your individual identity and the old dynamics quickly dissolve.

4. Meet people, pick up hobbies

Be careful, it is not about filling in gaps. The objective is to establish new relationships and social dynamics, while you once again enjoy all those activities and customs that you had abandoned. This will help you create a new routine, repair old mistakes and become aware of the things that made you unhappy.

Avoid starting a new relationship if you haven’t gotten over the previous one. Although some people manage to “pull a nail out of a nail,” this must be done under a lot of emotional responsibility so as not to transfer the toxicity to the next relationship.

5. Resist

Resisting is the last, but not least, of the stages of zero contact. It will not be easy to uproot the presence of a person from your life. You will have moments of emotional depression and a great temptation to break your own rules, but it is a transitional period, a mourning. If you manage to stay firm, you will see how time does its work and you will regain emotional stability.

Are these stages of zero contact for me?

It is important to emphasize that each person experiences grief in a different way. Not everyone gets the same benefits from zero contact, just as others do not have the opportunity to do so (co-workers, family members, roommates, etc.).

In general, This technique is recommended for people with very toxic, exhausting relationships, where the damage and pain never stop. Also for those cases in which the relationship is resumed again and again without solving the problems that broke it in the first place.

It is possible that the relationship or breakup affects your mental health, causing depressive or anxious symptoms and even substance abuse, says an article in Teaching and Research in Psychology. In these cases, in addition to recommending no contact, We encourage you to go to a psychologist. Nothing and no one should hurt you so much and you don’t have to go through a duel alone either.

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