The 5 love languages ​​and how to identify yours –

You may have heard about the 5 love languages. They were observed by the marriage counselor, Gary Chapmanwho noted that the difficulties faced by couples who came to his office were linked to the fact that each one had a very particular language when it came to love.

Chapman published a book entitled The 5 Love Languages, originally written in 1992, but which to date, with more than 12 million copies, helps couples understand each other better.

THE 5 LANGUAGES OF LOVE

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“The likelihood that your partner’s love language will be the same is unlikely. Therefore, when couples have different primary languages, there is likely to be misunderstandings” explains the psychologist Camilla Puertas. “On the other hand, if your partner learns to speak your love language, they will often feel loved and appreciated and ultimately happier in the relationship. Despite the fact that this theory has been around for nearly 30 years, it continues to resonate with people.”

THE 5 LANGUAGES OF LOVE

Service act: They are those who like to offer help, assistance and care as a way of showing their love. They like to help and donate their work without measuring efforts, as they like to welcome people through actions and services. For example: taking care of the house, the children, giving a ride.
Gifts: It is a language in which that person will feel very loved, valued, when he receives a gift. And not for the monetary value, but for the intention of stopping, thinking, choosing something for that person.
Quality time: This language is related to those who feel loved and valued when they receive their partner’s undivided attention. For example, if you take him out to a wonderful dinner, but throughout the evening he is on his cell phone, he will not feel that he has all the attention.
physical touch: It is a language in which, for the person, it is very important to be touched. This appreciation is not only during the sexual act, in foreplay, but at different times, throughout the day, through a touch, caress, hug.
Words of Affirmation: The listener feels confident, valued, important and loved when he hears the other’s love being verbalized. This is positive for those who listen and also for those who speak, since this act is a way to demonstrate positive feelings and beliefs and verbalize your love for the person, managing to touch the heart of those who have this main language.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE LOVE LANGUAGE?

the psychologist Ana Faustino explains that, based on the book, we have a primary language that is like our primary language, when we hear someone communicating in that language, we understand perfectly. “That is, this language connects me with the other, makes me feel really perceived, valued, respected, loved the language that speaks most to my heart, that speaks most to me” exemplifies the professional.

” But that doesn’t mean that we don’t feel good with other languages. For example: A person is doing a job that demands a lot of time, a lot of study, and the person is well overloaded. But that person’s language is gifts, but at this moment in life, when she is facing this work, I believe she will also feel very good, very valued if her partner, noticing this, offers help that can remove this overload, right? The act of service becomes a very important language, because at that moment, in that period of life, it meets a need that she has at that moment, although her primary language is not that”, she concludes.

HOW TO DISCOVER MINE?

After reading more about the five love languages, some will already know which one is yours and your spouse’s. Others, however, may have more difficulty. So try to answer these questions:

What makes you feel most loved by your spouse? What do you want above anything else? What does your spouse do or say—or fail to do or say—that hurt you deeply? Another way to find out is to ask yourself, “What else did I ask of my spouse?

Whatever the answer, chances are it’s in line with your primary love language. According to Chapman, “These requests were likely interpreted by your spouse as criticism. Rather, they are efforts to secure emotional love on his part.” (p. 135). In the book, the author suggests some ways and leaves some questionnaires that help to verify the language. You can also take the test clicking here.

“The best part about identifying and knowing your own language is explore self-knowledge, which is fundamental in building self-esteem and strengthening the ego for the establishment of a whole individual who is not emotionally dependent on the other but who chooses to live life in parallel with the other. The strengthening of the individual in this way helps him to have healthier relationships with a high sense of preservation” says the psychiatrist malu de falco. In addition, by understanding and exploring their language, communication with others may become more fluid and the best way to make their language interact with others becomes more evident. It is also clearer the need to communicate clearly for the alignment of expectations.