Technique for resolving internal conflict

When one part or facet of our personality clashes with another part in a way that begins a process of self-interruption or self-sabotage, we end up creating a struggle between these two parts.

People often live for years or even their entire lives with this internal conflict. This, of course, causes a great loss of energy, sabotages efficiency, and creates incongruity.

The technique for putting the two parties into negotiation gives us a wonderful technology to change this conflict. With it, we can put an end to the conflict and negotiate a peace agreement. With the technique, we begin to perceive in each part a value and a purpose, and from this, create harmony between the two parts.

the technique

1) Identify the parts: “What part of you creates this behavior?” “What part creates this emotion or thought.” You can designate a number, for example, part 1 says or thinks this, while part 2 does the opposite. Or, give names. The critical party versus the trusting party, etc.

2) Determine the targeted desire: “What does each party want to get?” What does each party want or desire? For example, one part may want to avoid a problem or defend ourselves, while the other wants new experiences, etc.

3) Marry the parts. See that each party understands and values ​​the role and function of the other party. Help each part to understand why there is interruption, why there is conflict.

4) Determining positive intent. If part 2 failed to help you identify the positive values ​​of each part, then keep looking: “What positive function is this part looking for?” Why does it exist? For what purpose? Ask this question until you find out.

5) Negotiate a deal. “Get the two parties to talk. Try to reach the following agreement: “Do you, part X, value your role in my life, so if the other party agrees not to interrupt you, will you do the same?” Try to notice if there is an inner feeling of agreement, a feeling that the two parties have managed to harmonize. Continue in such a way as to bring both parties to an agreement.

6) Establish a contract. Ask each party if it will really cooperate for a significant period of time, that is, if it will cooperate for the long term and not just now. If each party is dissatisfied for some reason, leave it open so this Party X can show you specific times when it will again need to negotiate a new deal.

7) Take the ethics test. “Does any other part of myself agree with the deal? Will any other parties be able to conflict yet?” If yes, restart the process until you can reach an agreement between all parties for a long period of time.

Another way of getting the two parties to come to an agreement is to personify them, for example by giving each of the parties their own names. For example, the part that is always criticizing will then be called John and the confident part So-and-so. (Better to choose names that don’t belong to anyone close or even known).

After naming each of the parts, give characteristics to each one How would John be, talk, walk? What would his face look like? His voice?

Trying to really create a character like in the theater or in a novel. Once the character has been developed, have the two (or both) talk about each other’s perspective. You will also be able to enter the debate, now agreeing with one, now with another, or else in an impartial, distanced position.

Carry on the conversation for as long as necessary until negotiation and harmony between the parties is established.

Original Text – L. Michael Hall

Book – NLP – The sourcebook of magic

Translation – Felipe de Souza

Related