Learn to say no: 8 tips to respect yourself and set limits

Not. A short word, with only three letters, but quite difficult to pronounce. Have you ever found yourself having a hard time denying something? It is important that you learn to say no to respect your boundaries. Next, see the tips from psychologists Brunara Reis Savaris (CRP 08/22988) and Aline Cristina (CRP/SP 06/110084) on the subject.

The importance of saying no and setting limits

Psychologist Brunara mentioned that “no” is related to setting limits and self-affirmation. “How often do you say: I can’t. I don’t want. Did not like. I will not go? If you disconnect from your desires, try to please everyone, and are afraid of being criticized, this can have consequences. Sometimes you may have a hard time saying no because you want to avoid conflict with the other, or to be accepted, but you end up disappointing yourself,” Brunara explained.

In addition, Aline added that “many people find it difficult to say no and it is complex to say a specific cause. This depends a lot on the subjectivity of each one. The reasons can be related to various fears, such as: hurting others, being excluded, being rejected, being alone, being criticized, not pleasing others, among others. For her, not being able to say “no” can bring harm, causing you to go over your values ​​and desires.

8 tips for learning to say no without feeling bad about it

Do you find it difficult to express that something you don’t like? In saying “no” to certain situations? Check out the tips given by psychologists and learn to say no without feeling guilty:

1. Don’t be in a hurry

Aline explained that you don’t need to be immediate in the answer, allow yourself a few minutes to reflect and ask yourself: “is this something I want to do or am I doing just to please the other?”.

2. Reflect

For Brunara, it is necessary to analyze: “are there specific contexts or situations in which I tend to erase myself, sometimes without even realizing it?”.

3. Respect your values ​​and wishes

“When the request goes against their will and values, it is important to tell the person that they will not be able to comply with what was requested”, explained Aline.

4. Make a list of answers

For Aline, a list with the answers can help a lot to practice the no. Start with: I’m not interested because; I cannot because; that doesn’t make me feel comfortable. The psychologist explained: “making a list of answers or even asking a friend how he would act in the situation, can help increase the repertoire of answers and make you more comfortable when denying a request”.

5. Detach “no” from rudeness

Aline mentioned that “many people find it difficult to say no, because they relate this word to rudeness. So, at this moment it is important to think: how can I tell this person that I could not attend to him/her?” In addition, Brunara added that “affirming yourself and daring to say it is not imposing your limits, but being yourself, without hurting others.”

6. Think about your experience and notice your feelings

“Do I often put the needs of others above my own?” commented Brunara. For her, it’s important to think a little about yourself and this has nothing to do with being selfish. “If you need to, make a record, like a diary, in the face of these situations in which you cannot assert yourself”, indicated the professional.

7. Remember Every “No” You’ve Ever Been

Aline explained that it is important to reflect on “what was it like to hear this no? Were all her requests always fulfilled? What answers have you heard? Reviewing your history, it will be possible to identify that you have also faced some no”.

8. Use simpler ways to say “no”

According to Brunara, there’s no need to curl up and give a long explanation. Often simplicity will help you a lot. “You can praise, deny and thank an invitation; you can make another proposal or you can be sincere without the need to justify yourself”, she added.

In order for you to learn to say no, daily exercise is necessary. Both psychologists highlighted the importance of self-knowledge, of being well with yourself and of training, so that you feel more comfortable in imposing your limits. Enjoy and learn more about imposter syndrome.

The information contained on this page is for informational purposes only. They do not replace the advice and follow-up of doctors, nutritionists, psychologists, physical education professionals and other specialists.