I’m not going to try to convince you that it was all of a sudden and that I hadn’t been thinking about it in a while. It would be hypocritical to say that, when I least realized it, you weren’t that important anymore. The truth is, I couldn’t take it anymore. The other day I read that we accept the love we think we deserve and, sorry, I don’t think I deserve it that little.

I tightly embraced the hope of his improvement. In vain. To think that you were always the person I wanted, my idealization. Sorry to take you by surprise. It’s just that deep down I believed in both of us. I know you won’t understand, but I won’t change my mind, because I’ve been thinking about it and I believe it’s the best thing to do.

And yes, I blame you. I blame you for the times I waited for an answer on whatsapp, a greater attention while we were talking, a affection when we were alone, a sincere conversation, a welcoming look. I blame you for the indifference, negligence, omission, for the undrawn plans and for your passivity in leaving everything for later.

Don’t say I didn’t give you signs. Say you didn’t know how to identify them. Tagged his profile in a video on Facebook, containing a cool song. She would send a link to a movie she had premiered, suggesting, who knows, a movie theater, a movie at home with popcorn and lots of brigadeiro. She took care of me to accompany her to important places and played the good girl. The more I bared my soul, the more you dressed in indifference. You gave me gifts, when what I wanted most was your company, your entire presence.

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I bet you have no idea how hard I worked to make this work, but when one doesn’t want to… It’s no use pushing with your belly anymore. I spent so much time with you, I started to forget about myself. And then I thought this was normal. I lived in you so long, that today I understand how long it took me to start forgetting you.

Because it’s intense, I can’t live half term, half love, half life. And even though I know how bad this is, I’m like this, I have a deep heart. But today is the day I want to see you go. Today was the last time I allowed myself to live these things by your side. It took me a while to accept that I needed to leave, but now I can’t wait. And, how funny. In our relationship you were always the one in a hurry. Everything I told you is for you to be sure of my certainty. So when they ask you out there, you know how to say the reason for our breakup, what got us here.

Anyway, I really don’t want you to feel bad, but I also don’t want you to be anymore. And without that “we’ll be good friends”, after all, we never were. My life? She will follow. And I still have to thank you for waking me up to reality, for showing me how beautiful life can be and indeed it is. How much I don’t need to hold on to loves that are not reciprocal. Now I’m leaving, I have a whole life to live and the good part is that you don’t have you in it.