If you knew…

If you only knew how I tossed and turned in bed until dawn. If you only knew how I wait for you to show up. If you only knew that I’m suspended by a thread, that insists on breaking. If I knew that I’m not the same anymore, but my heart beats just the same for you. If you only knew that my feelings turn like the sea in a storm, but always turn to you.

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If you only knew how many times I relived wrong moments to make them right. How many times have I kissed you in dreams; kisses lost in a wind of memories. If you only knew how I don’t accept your departure, even when you’ve already left. If I only knew that I open your letters and relive moments. That I kept the petal of the first flower you gave me and I carry it with me in my chest when I feel like I’m going to drown.

If you only knew that you still help me live this life. If you only knew that I’m still learning from you. If you only knew that I listen to your audios from a year ago, just to hear you say that you love me one more time. If only I knew that I learned. If you only knew that I lived.

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If you knew the size of your loss, would you have me one more time?

Mari Moreno

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