Somatizing: getting sick to be taken care of

As we have already commented on previous occasions, in this section, receive parental attention It is a primary need for young children (comparable to food or sleep). When the child lacks these cares, he feels unprotected against the dangers of life, he experiences panic and feel that you are in danger of death.

In these cases, unconsciously, the small develop different strategies to claim this care, essential, that they are not receiving. Unfortunately, they are unaware that the long-term effects of these tactics are more harmful than beneficial.

In today’s article, we’re going to delve into one of these insane strategies of trying to get parents to notice us and take care of us. This is more common than we can imagine.

Claim sick care

Let’s put ourselves in the place of Aurora, a girl barely two years old, whose parents are so obsessed with their respective jobs They barely spend time with their daughter. The little girl spends the day between the nursery and her grandmother’s house.

She is well accompanied and fed, but Aurora feels that her grandmother’s care does not replace that of her parents. At times, she feels alone and you would like to be able to go to your mother or father for comfort.

On one occasion, the girl contracted the flu and as a consequence of it, she had to spend several days at home. Given these circumstances, her parents organized her work and her schedules in order to take turns and take care of his sick daughter. For the first time in a long time, Aurora, realizing that her parents cared for her, felt complete.

Although she looked tired and upset about her illness, the receiving the care of their parents compensated for this discomfort. Unfortunately for Aurora, when she recovered from her illness, everything returned to normal. Her parents resumed their busy work schedule and the girl was once again sent to daycare.

Several weeks later, Aurora fell ill, and the process was repeated. Her parents took care of her while she was in bed, but as soon as the girl got better, they put her back in the nursery and with her grandmother.

Unconsciously, a survival pattern was established inside him. The disease became a tool to get the attention of their parents. The syllogism is very simple:

In order to feel good, not panic, and not fear dying, I need my parents to take care of me. My parents only take care of me when I’m sick.Conclusion: I will get sick so that my parents offer me the care I need.

Elaborating this pattern was not something planned, but rather, an almost physical and automatic reaction of her body to feel safe and protected. Falling ill was the only way that her psyche found for the girl to receive, from close proximity, the essential care of her parents.

At those moments, Aurora did not realize that the effects this pattern would have on your future lifeThe only thing she was aware of is that she felt full, safe and protected when her parents took care of her.

Aurora’s case

Years later, on the advice of her family doctor, Aurora came to see me. The young woman, despite the fact that all her tests showed that she was completely healthy, got sick too often. His doctor thought that, under the continuous symptoms of discomfort that he presented, there could be an underlying psychological cause.

In fact, Aurora herself had detected a repeating pattern in her ailments: when you had a strong argument with your partner and he considered leaving the relationship, she fell ill. From this point, we were able to work to understand the role that the disease played in her life.

As for Aurora, for many other people, their illnesses are the reason for their existence. Her ailments become, for decades, the center of her life, her only topic of conversation. Through them, they feel important and think that they are valued by others.

This mechanism, let’s remember it here, is unconscious, which means that the person does not get sick voluntarily, nor does he fake his illness. The problems you present are real and need medical treatment to solve them. My intention with this article is to explain the psychological origin of this pattern, since if we really want to end this round of suffering, we have to unmask and work on the true cause of the diseases.

How to break this pattern of survival

It is very delicate to work for deprogram this way of relating to your body and with others. When these people are getting to the core of their problem, there is a high risk of dropping out of therapy. At these moments, they feel enormous vertigo, an excruciating fear of not receiving the attention of others if they are cured for good. Relive fear and anguish for their life that they felt when their parents did not care for them as children. Thinking that this can happen again can lead them (unconsciously) to boycott their healing.

In these cases, we have to work for the person to gain confidence little by little, realizing that he is no longer the needy and dependent boy or girl of his childhood. Currently, since she is an adult able not only to take care of herself, but also to support herself, she no longer needs that special attention from her parents.

As the person goes gaining self esteem and start taking care of yourself, you can disengage from this harmful pattern.