Sincericide: being sincere is not always the right thing to do

We all, at some point during the day, say something that is not completely sincere and we know it. Lies or lack of honesty serve to protect us from what may happen.. If we interpret that something harmful is going to happen to us, we tend to distort the truth to our convenience. In this way, we safeguard our self-esteem or get rid of possible negative consequences.

But the main axis of insincerity is not always fear. Compassion for our neighbor sometimes makes us opt for a white lie. This type of lie is light, barely important and does not last too long and can be useful and even beneficial for everyone, as it avoids major and unnecessary conflicts.

It is not that we intend to defend the lie, far from it, but we do want to convey the idea that Being honest always, with everyone, no matter what happens, is not the best idea either. if we don’t want to get out of those situations in a bad way.

To be sincere or to be rude?

Psychologists have adopted the term, in a joking tone, of sincericide to define that behavior by which a person, believing himself to be honest and brave, appears sincere to others, without a filter of any kind, when perhaps others have not asked for their opinion. The word speaks of a “suicide” – in an abstract way – due to excessive zeal for the truth.

This act is often seen as inconsiderate, tactless, and verbally irresponsible. Sincericide ends up developing conflicts with the environmentbecause it can be seen as rude behavior and we could certainly consider it as such.

Being sincere is not always a virtue since education and respect must come first and even more so if it is about expressing something that is not going to be of use to anyone. He won’t even be interested. Spitting out everything that passes through one’s mind is a sign of social retardation, of not adapting to the rules of the game.

How many of us have not been slightly bothered when someone tells us that we are not dressed in the best of our combinations or that they have seen our ex with someone else? However, Finding the context and the right moment and knowing how to contain ourselves until then becomes a virtue. that we must know how to value. There are certain comments that are simply unnecessary or that can be said in other circumstances.

Be sincere, disguising the truth

We all have the right to know our truth, but we also have the right to set our own limits. in this knowledge. The ideal is that as adults, we are emotionally strong and accept the discomforts of life, in order to be able to act from a fair position.

Imagine that you have been diagnosed with a serious illness, would you like to know if you are going to die? Would you prefer that the truth be hidden from you or would you want to know how much time you have left to live? How would you like to be told the bad news?

Like we said, it’s good train ourselves to be able to face everything that life brings us. But it is no less true that it does not hurt that sometimes the truth is disguised for us. In the same way that we do with others to regulate the impact of our messages.

Being sincere without becoming sincere is an art. It involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, knowing if the circumstances are optimal for them to receive the truth and also using the appropriate verbal – and non-verbal – tools.

The psychologist Rafael Santandreu says that To be comfortable with yourself you must always tell yourself the truth, but to be comfortable with others, you must not.. That is, we should not disguise the truth that we already know because we fall into self-deception and this will not allow us to face life satisfactorily.

Virtue is in the middle

What is important is that we be careful between telling the truth to ourselves and criticizing ourselves excessively.. It is not the same to tell us a truth like: “today you have not had the best of sessions with your patient”; to tell us: “you are a terrible psychologist, you should leave the profession forever.”

Sincerity can take many forms. This is why it is so important to be cautious when saying something to someone or saying something to ourselves. A fundamental aspect is not to exaggerate reality. As mentioned in the previous example, trying to be honest with ourselves through harmful expressions will not be a very good idea. The best option is to try to be realistic and honest and admit our mistakes without exaggerating them..

Being sincere does not mean being abrupt or aggressive. Being sincere implies an act of knowing how to say things correctly. Thus, empathy and assertiveness can be our great allies when it comes to being honest with someone. Being honest will give us a lot of peace of mind, because the one who lies knows that he has to pay attention to everything he has said. The good liar must have a good memory. However, the sincere person does not invest his resources in remembering what lie he has “told” and to whom. Even so, Before committing “sincericide”, let’s think about how to say things in the best possible way.

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