Screaming: the quickest way to lose your mind

It is very common to hear some parents yell at their children: I said don’t yell at me! What they don’t usually realize is that they are responsible for the education of the little ones and that, with their behavior, they are setting a terrible example for them. They say that there is nothing like having to teach, to become aware of one’s own mistakes. In this sense, screaming is one of those behaviors that suddenly takes away reason, why?

Normally we tend to raise our voices in specific situations in which we lose our nerve.. One of these circumstances is wanting to stand out and monopolize the attention of others. On the other hand, other times we try to cover up the person with whom we are arguing, in order not to let them explain themselves and to remain on top.

How do others react?

Speaking louder than others does not guarantee that we will be paid more attention nor does it mean that we will be better understood. Even the opposite. There are many ways to react to someone who is yelling at us and Perhaps the least common, but the most effective is “turning a deaf ear.” There are people who automatically disconnect when they see someone shouting and wait for them to calm down so they can start a conversation with them.

Others cower, crouch and give up. They allow themselves to be intimidated by the screams and are not able to say a word to demand respect. A few put themselves on the same level and also choose to scream. But if it is already difficult to establish a conversation with a person who is out of his mind, imagine if the screams come from two or more sources… Real madness!

In any of these cases the consequence is the same: we neither listen nor are they listened to us. When yelling, communication breaks down and a lack of understanding prevails.

The need to respect

When we shout, we stop valuing our neighbors and tolerating what is different. Respect is the fundamental basis of a large number of moral values, because it is essential for adequate and rewarding social interaction. That’s why, The best way to know if you are disrespecting another person is to put yourself in their shoes. Think about how you would like people to treat you and say things to you. And put it into practice!

Another key: assertiveness

Nobody is born assertive. Like many other abilities, it can be acquired and trained throughout life. Assertiveness is closely related to respect. Is about express your opinion in a gentle, polite, elegant and brave way. Without raising your voice at any time or impregnating your words with aggression. Although it may sound paradoxical: with a more controlled tone of voice your message will cross more barriers.

Normally, children are educated in other types of social or intellectual skills, leaving aside those that will allow them to increase self-knowledge. That is why it is necessary to make them understand that, If you can understand yourself, you will have a lot to gain when it comes to expressing yourself and communicating with others.

Educate in moderation

It is true that a scream can capture the child’s attention compared to other stimuli, such as play. It’s even good to let him know that you’re angry, because sometimes, A shout in time can prevent a major accident or rectify wrong behavior. But if raising your voice becomes the habitual tone, in the end the shout loses its effect and begins to invade communication.

The little one gets used to being communicated with in this way and it no longer seems extraordinary to him. Furthermore, if the father perceives that his child no longer responds to these fusses, he may become desperate and the situation may worsen. The more we use screams, the more accustomed our children will be to hearing them and the less effect they will have, beyond contaminating communication. Therefore, it will be more difficult for them to obey us. So what is the next step?

Educating can reveal adult behaviors that we do not want children to learn. We see that the previous situation ends up generating tension and discomfort that is often unbearable. Hence the importance of Learn to control that first impulse to make the screaming disappear completely.

Stop screaming is possible

Changing something that you have been doing vehemently for your entire life is difficult. It requires having a high degree of control over our emotions and a great ability not to follow what our impulses dictate. Therefore, the first thing you should do if you want to stop having aggressive behavior is to identify those situations or circumstances that make you lose control, do what you don’t want.

Once located, it is advisable that you acquire tools that make you stronger against the temptation of impulse. Count to 3 or take a long drink of water, so that you create space to take control of all that energy. You have to find a way to feel relieved without screaming. That is to say, express what you feel, but in a polite and prudent way.

If you don’t get it the first time, don’t despair. The important thing is those attempts that are allowing you to find a new resource to face that problem or conflict. Little by little you will be able to see results and you will be able to stop the screaming before losing your nerve.

As you can see, shouting does not help at all to manage emotions. If controlling the way we transmit what we feel is already difficult, imagine if on top of that our behavior is too impetuous, disrespectful and angry. Learning to reverse this situation takes time and effort, but it can be done!

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