Robert Winch’s theory of complementary needs

Robert Winch’s theory of complementary needs It explains why we sometimes fall in love with someone with certain characteristics that are opposite to ours..

In reality, many of us tend to look at men and women with personalities that complement us. That is, what we lack is what attracts us to others. For example, someone who is a bit introverted may benefit from having a more extroverted and sociable person next to them.

However, something that Robert Winch emphasized is that true harmony lies in complementarity. Because sometimes the only thing these opposing dimensions achieve is to confront us and create distances over time. After all, when we are at opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of temperaments, personalities, hobbies and values, opposite poles do not last.

However, A couple will find stability when members tend to satisfy each other’s needs. If there is a positive influence that feeds us back to each other, despite our differences, that is when we find true happiness.

What is the theory of complementary needs?

Opposites may attract, but they don’t always last. Likewise, couples who agree on everything are not an example of emotional success either. Sometimes, we become obsessed with the need to have the same ideas, passions, particularities and perspectives, as if this were a roadmap to achieving that long-awaited happiness between two.

The secret is in complementarity, as Robert Winch pointed out. In what the other is the support of our concerns, in being the cool mind in the moments of chaos of the other person. Rise up like Yin and Yang in which in the end everything fits together, even if there are differences.

Being allies and not competitors requires a committed and delicate craftsmanship that not everyone achieves. Therefore, the theory of needs can help us. Only when we feel complementary to each other in a relationship does that bond become stronger.. Let’s dig a little deeper.

The opposite poles and the need for complementarity

It was in 1958 when psychologist Robert Winch conducted a study to address the classic question of whether opposites attract. It should be noted that this work is a classic and that he revealed the following:

What happens with couples that have different characters is that, in many cases, they complement each other. Many times we look at men and women who have certain behavioral traits that we lack. These characteristics enrich us and allow us to feel fulfilled.

The theory of complementary needs tells us, for example, that savers and spenders, dreamers and doers, or insecure and self-confident people can form solid bonds. However, Relational harmony will only be possible if the effort is made to find balance and complementarity..

Similarities will always be more important than differences

Although opposites can attract, it will always be the similarities that will make that relationship last. In this sense, It is essential that there is harmony in terms of values, lifestyle and personal tastes. What unites us will always be more relevant than what separates or differentiates us.

Likewise, what differentiates us from the other must serve as a complement. It is that opposite perspective that sometimes helps us see things in a different way to grow as people. Also, as we have pointed out, it can be used as a mechanism to reinforce our shortcomings and find a better internal and relational balance. But be careful, it is not about using our partner as a “crutch” either.

The theory of complementary needs and the need to look for what is “good”

This theory states that the opposite characteristics of two people can complement each other to bring harmony and harmony to the couple. We are clear about this, but there is a small detail that should be clarified.

The opposite can never be hurtful or threatening to us. That is, we cannot be in a situation of continued confrontation in our relationship. Living in a permanent tug-of-war in which what one wants does not match what the other expects only brings discomfort. What’s more, sometimes, there are opposite characteristics that draw unbridgeable, and even dangerous, distances.

For example, we may be attracted to someone because of their decisive nature and we may be a little more insecure. But sometimes, resolution can go hand in hand with arrogance and arrogance, therefore, that opposite pole is at the opposite end of our needs and well-being.

The key is in complementarity. In being two people committed to the same project, in finding someone who, with their nuances, singularities and personality, gives light to our lives and not suffering.

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