Admiration and love, what’s the difference?

The line that distinguishes admiration from love is very subtle. So subtle, that it is not unusual to confuse both feelings. And it is not strange because these feelings involve a complex dynamic. You can admire without loving with your heart, but you cannot love without at the same time there being a part of admiration.

The matter becomes even more tangled if we think that falling in love produces a certain idealization of the loved person. In that first phase of the relationship, admiration and love are almost the same. Over time, one or the other begins to take precedence. Finally, everything is decided through the mind and the heart.

Physical beauty, for example, is something that can arouse admiration and desire. These can be very intense. So much so that sometimes the whole thing is confused with love. The same goes for others circumstantial virtues like fame or power. They generate so much admiration that sometimes they end up being confused with love..

Admiration and love, together and apart

In one way or another, Whenever there is love there is also admiration. In this case, love and admiration go hand in hand.. However, the same does not occur when the terms are reversed. That is to say, when there is admiration, love is not always present.

The complexity of this logic comes because people are very prone to idealizing others when they respond in some way to our expectations or needs. The relationship between admiration and love also becomes more complex because desire is often called “loving” of “being loved”.

Regarding idealization, it has to do with assigning virtues to others that it does not have or by exaggerating what it does have. This frequently happens in the falling in love phase. We don’t know the couple well enough, but we look at them through a filter: the desire for them to be someone wonderful. In that case there is admiration and love, but both have weak foundations, because a good part of that love is expectations and fantasies.

On the other hand, many want to “be loved” by the most popular person, or the most attractive, or the most powerful.. That love that these figures eventually lavish on them increases, let’s say, their emotional and social “status.” Therefore, it is something they may fervently desire and confuse with love.

Admiration and self-esteem

It is common for people with self-esteem problems to idealize love and tend to “fall in love” with those they see as above average. In this way, the supposed feeling of love is inspired by misguided admiration. In the background, What they are looking for is to recover that self-love that they lack through being approved and loved. by someone to whom that power is assigned.

Also in our culture there are certain stereotypes of what is admirable or not.. In “commercial” terms, someone admirable is someone who fits the ideal customer in the market. The one that meets the parameters established by it. Beautiful, athletic, with consumption capacity and very self-determined.

Therefore, Many people eager for acceptance will look for these stereotypes to place their apparent affections on them.. It is a way to feel included and ward off the ghost of rejection. However, there is neither admiration nor love there. Just a hard and strong rejection of oneself.

Healthy admiration and healthy love

True love is not so much focused on awakening love in the other as it is on giving of oneself for the good of the other.. It is not a “blinding feeling”, nor does it arise overnight. It implies knowledge, acceptance and, of course, also admiration for the couple. In that case it is an admiration that is born from knowledge and recognition.

In love there is admiration because it is possible to delve deeper into the relationship with the other and discover their multiple virtues, many of which cannot be seen with the naked eye. There is a positive disposition towards these findings. There is no interest in using these virtues, but simply an affection for embodying them..

Thus, Admiration becomes an important element to maintain healthy and full love for a long time. When we no longer only admire superficial qualities such as physical beauty, fame or money, but rather value and recognize deeper traits in our loved one, we are faced with a love built through commitment and mutual admiration.

Meanwhile, Admiration without love is the fruit of reflection. It involves the recognition of virtues, skills or qualities that are considered valuable. You admire an artist for his talent or a leader for his tenacity or a teacher for his wisdom. None of this implies love in the romantic sense of the term. Therefore, one can admire without loving, but not the opposite.

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