Resentment, a bitter and dangerous feeling

Resentment is a little explored emotion, but very interesting from a psychological point of view.. It is an intense psychophysiological response with a negative valence that is experienced as a result of betrayal, disappointment, disappointment or an offense. The injured person then begins to display behaviors that are as varied and complex as they are dangerous.

For exampleit is common that the scorned person usually seeks revenge. To do this, you may not hesitate to speak ill of the ex-partner on social networks, publishing private information or starting attack or smear campaigns. It is also common for victimhood to be embraced as a way of life with the purpose of attracting attention.

Resentment is an emotion that navigates between two rivers: gnawing resentment and unmanaged sadness. It is not easy to deal with an offense, humiliation or abandonment, especially when they come from emotional relationships. Emotional immaturity in many cases leads to this type of borderline behavior that is mixed with revenge and bad decisions.

We analyze it.

What does spite consist of?

Spite is a psychological reality much neglected by scientific research. This is what a work published in 2014 by Washington State University highlighted. So much so that, as the authors explained, some of The darkest behaviors of human beings have been motivated by spite.

The need to hurt someone, even when that figure has emotional meaning for us, is very characteristic of human beings. Literature and cinema are full of stories that follow this thread. In fact, there is an old saying that goes like this: don’t cut your nose to hurt your face. Hurting someone we love or once wanted is like hurting ourselves.

Thus, a common example of spite in emotional relationships frequently occurs when someone starts a relationship and a person close to the person has left them. Have a affair with our ex-partner’s brother it is something recurring. There is a clear desire to harm the other, but what usually comes afterwards is regret. And also discomfort with oneself.

Spite and the misguided desire to seek emotional justice

Resentment is an emotion with an unhelpful sense of justice.. The scorned person feels hurt and wants to cause the same pain to the person causing their pain. “You have hurt me and I will find some mechanism to make you pay for the suffering I feel. And I will do it in the most Machiavellian way I can.”

On the other hand, It should be noted that the jilted person perceives himself as a victim. He feels exploited, deceived and above all humiliated. All this adverse emotional amalgam feeds, as we can well imagine, the flaming desire for revenge.

The scorned person and the dark triad: Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism

One thing is obvious: we have all felt the sting of spite at some point. We experienced it as children, when we got angry with our siblings and took revenge by breaking their toys. We may have also felt it in adulthood, although correct emotional management and common sense calmed and rationalized this emotion.

Now, whoever feels it, makes it their own and executes it in behaviors of twisted revenge shows a very specific profile. People who nurse spite and resentment demonstrate traits of the dark triad. Thus, in 2014, researchers from Washington State University, led by psychologist David Marcus, demonstrated something very concrete in a study.

Those who show high resentment and feelings of spite have narcissistic, Machiavellian and even psychopathic characteristics. Let’s think that spite does not only seek to harm (get revenge) on that significant figure who previously caused some type of suffering. Sometimes, the jilted person can also harm themselves to get attention.

They are highly complex, harmful and self-destructive behaviors.

Spite is a sword of Damocles

Spite is a sword of Damocles hanging over our heads. Seeking revenge, harboring permanent resentments, and feeding that constant emotional discomfort ends up harming the doer. Everything that is done against someone will end up coming back to us in some way.

Sleeping with our ex-partner’s best friend doesn’t solve anything. Criticizing or discrediting that friend who no longer wants us in his life does not help or solve the problem. Hate begets more hatespite is nothing more than a poorly managed duel that has become chronicled into resentment.

No one deserves to live in that permanent state. Living surrounded by resentment, hatred and bitterness is like becoming a small insect wrapped in amber. We do not move forward and the suffering is encapsulated. Let us be able, therefore, to manage emotional woundsto accept what no longer makes sense and to act with sufficient emotional maturity.

As Jiddu Krishnamurti said, resentment suffocates us, forgiveness oxygenates us.

You might be interested…