Rejection is the deepest emotional wound

There are wounds that are not seen but that can take root deeply in our soul and live with us for the rest of our days. They are the emotional wounds, the traces of the problems experienced in childhood and that sometimes determine what our quality of life will be like when we are adults.

One of the deepest emotional wounds is that of rejection because those who suffer from it feel rejected inside, interpreting everything that happens around him through the filter of his wound, sometimes feeling rejected even though he is not.

Let’s see in more detail what this wound consists of.

Origin of the emotional wound of rejection

Reject means to resist, despise or deny, which we can translate into “not loving” something or someone. This wound arises from the parents’ rejection of their child or, sometimes, from feeling rejected by the parents, without any intention on their part.

Faced with the first experiences of rejection, a mask will begin to be created to protect oneself from this heartbreaking feeling that is linked to undervaluing oneself and is characterized by an elusive personality according to research carried out by Lise Bourbeau. So The first reaction of the person who feels rejected will be to flee, Therefore, it is not unusual for children to invent an imaginary world.

The rejection that the child may feel from his parents can trigger long-term internal and external consequences. Gracia, Lila and Musitu (2005) stand out among internalized behaviors: passivity, apathy, social withdrawal, depressive feelings, self-destructive behaviors, nervous disorders and somatic problems. Among externalized behaviors We find impulsivity, hyperactivity, disobedience, destructive behavior, lack of self-control and violent behavior.

In cases of overprotection, beyond the superficial facet masked of love, the child will perceive himself as rejected because he is not accepted as he is. The message that comes to him is that his abilities are not valid and that is why they have to protect him.

What is the person like who has the wound of rejection?

A part of our personality is formed from the emotional wounds suffered in childhood. Thus, The person who suffers from the wound of rejection is characterized by undervaluing himself and seeking perfection at all costs. This situation will lead her to a constant search for recognition from others that will be difficult to satisfy.

The words “nothing”, “non-existent” or “disappear” will form part of your habitual vocabulary, confirming the belief and feeling of rejection that is so permeated. In this way, it is normal for her to prefer solitude because if she receives a lot of attention there will be a greater chance of being despised. If she has to share experiences with more people, she will try to tiptoe, under the shell she builds, barely speaking and if she does, it will only be to give herself courage.

Furthermore, she lives in constant ambivalence because when she is chosen she does not believe it and rejects herself and even sabotages the situation and when she is not chosen, she feels rejected by others. With the passage of time, the person who suffers the wound of rejection and does not heal it, can become resentful and lead to hatred, fruit of the intense suffering experienced.

Heal the emotional wound of rejection

The deeper the wound of rejection, the greater the rejection of oneself or others. which can be hidden behind shame. In addition, there will be a greater tendency to flee, but this is only a mask to protect oneself from the suffering generated by this wound.

The wound of rejection is healed by paying special attention to self-esteem, beginning to value and recognize oneself without needing the approval of others. For it:

A fundamental step is accept the wound as part of oneself to be able to release all trapped feelings. If we deny the presence of our suffering we will not be able to work to heal it. Once accepted, the next step would be forgive to free yourself from the past. Firstly, to ourselves for the way we treat ourselves and secondly to others, because the people who have hurt us probably also suffer some deep pain or a hurtful experience. Start take care of yourself with love and prioritize yourself. Paying attention to ourselves and giving ourselves the love and value we deserve is an essential emotional need to continue growing.

We can’t fill infinity

Some perspectives assure that our authentic nature is infinite and drawing a parallel with this belief we will observe that until we heal the wound, nothing will make us happy. Rejection will become a black hole that little by little will engulf and destroy everything external that makes us happy.. When they give us a compliment we will reject it, and it may even make us feel bad. When someone wants to spend time with us we will think that they do it because they have nothing better to do.

The feeling of rejection would be equivalent to infinity, and everything that is external will only fill it temporarily, so the most important thing is to start from within. This is an inner work that we must start as soon as possible, because at the end of the day, this feeling of rejection is nothing more than our way of seeing life. AND If we begin to change our focus and our view of reality, we begin to experience a completely different life..

Although we cannot erase the suffering experienced in the past, we can always soothe our wounds and help them heal so that their pain disappears or at least is alleviated. Because according to what Nelson Mandela said in some way we are captains of our soul.

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