Rebellious teenagers: 7 tips for parents

Adolescence is an important phase in individual growth in which the foundations are laid to define identity and individuality. In this sense, many parents do not usually accept – or do so reluctantly – this process of independence during this stage of development, since they still consider their children as children.

This position of the parents usually goes against that of the adolescent, who believes himself capable or has more initiative to begin this “family disconnection”, which represents an unavoidable stop on the path to self-dependence or autonomy.

This disparity or conflict, between the expectations of the parents and the desire of the adolescents, usually awakens the rebellion of the latter. In these cases, Adolescents find in extrafamilial contexts a sounding board for their discomfort; But they also encounter frustrations, having difficulty relating intelligently.

Therefore, it is essential that the family helps the adolescent in his life project, teaching and designing effective strategies with the young person that allow them to improve their relationship with the outside world. Sometimes, adults forget that adolescents are not mature enough to relate to increasingly complex contexts. However, we cannot continue treating them like children either, and that is precisely where the difficulty lies.

The interest in exploring strategies independently is what leads the adolescent to behave strangely, trying to find his place in the world that little by little begins to open up for him. We must not forget that at these ages they still do not have many strategies to interact in external environments. So many times they will feel lost, but they will not want help that compromises the ground of independence that they are having such a hard time gaining.

Children may adopt family strategies as “prefabricated” adolescents or they may abruptly break with what they have been taught in search of their own identity. Accompanying them in this process is vital so that adolescence is just that, a step from childhood to adulthood. If the family is too imposing in this process, it is likely that we will soon talk about rebellious adolescence.

The family structure in rebellious adolescents

To demonstrate the influence of the family structure on the origin and maintenance of the problem, Fishman’s description of rebellious adolescents is used. The rebellious adolescent grows up in a family structure characterized by porous borders and limits, which is manifested in the fact that family members are intensely interconnected.

In this type of family, everyone knows everyone. Porous borders make these families follow the advice they receive from outside. The low hierarchy that characterizes these family structures makes the problem worse, children being powerful members of the family.

Sometimes, these boys respond to frustrations with excessive rage and establish relationships with their peers and boyfriends tinged with passion, intense infatuations, jealousy and breakups followed by spectacular reconciliations. This intolerance of frustration can cause rebellious and conflictive adolescents.

In various learning theories, especially the behavioral approach, we find that what is appropriate for raising healthy and functional adolescents is a childhood in which there are achievements, but also challenges and frustrations.. If we never let our children get frustrated by not achieving certain goals, we will be raising selfish monsters. who believe they have the right to have everything for the mere fact of existing, sometimes becoming rebellious teenagers.

This style of parenting increasingly occurs in family units. It seems that if we ensure that our children have everything we will be better parents, Nothing could be further from the truth. If we educate children in the culture of ineffectiveness, when they reach adolescence they will not understand our new purposes, becoming problematic and tyrannical adolescents.

7 tips for parents of rebellious teenagers

The objective of this section is not to offer “expert advice”, but rather encourage parents to connect and find a way to unite with their children. Likewise, it is pertinent to keep in mind that not all suggestions are valid in all cases, which is why it is necessary for the reader to delve into the particular characteristics of their situation.

First of all, it is important foster a positive and close relationship with the adolescent; Because this way it will be easier to understand him and accompany him in his independence process.

Also, point out that, if we don’t have it, we will always have the opportunity to build it. To do so, it is essential that we know the particularities and interests of the adolescent.: precisely thanks to them we will be able to connect with him. In other words, we are going to have to tread on his ground and for this it is better that we know where we are moving.

Let’s go with these 7 general ideas that can help us deal with rebellious teenagers:

Set limits. It is necessary that in family life there are a series of rules to respect. It is also important that the child knows what the consequences are for breaking these rules.Invest time and energy to improve the education of children. If we do this, the chances of getting the situation back on track increase considerably.Be firm in your decisions, and do not hesitate maintain an honest lifestyle with what we are preaching. We must set an example and give them the advantages of behaving functionally.Avoid comparisons. Constantly comparing him to his siblings or friends can damage his self-concept and make it to the point of being defiant for this very reason.Avoid unnecessary pressure. Teenagers have to have their own goals. We adults must accompany them in the election processes, but we must not pressure them to meet the goals that we could not meet.Accept that our children are not perfect. If our son makes a mistake, he must assume the consequences, even if it hurts us and we feel a duty to protect him.Be honest with them. Sincerity is a tool that we do not usually use much with our children. Family relationships are so hierarchical that sometimes we ignore some of the most effective techniques to approach adolescents.

When communication, trust and friendship don’t work

It is pertinent to mention that There will be cases in which parents and adolescents fail to establish a positive and close relationship.. If this happens, and the young person’s behavior also puts his own integrity and that of others at risk, it is best to go to a specialist to support the process. Surely more complex problems will have to be addressed, which go beyond a fight for autonomy.

To take into account

In short, adolescents are, almost simultaneously, distrustful and naive, hopeful and apathetic, communicative and closed, protective and risk-loving. That is to say, many are a pure contradiction with rich nuances, which is why they confuse us so much.

Most of them are concerned about their social image, either directly or trying to show that they don’t care what other people think. They appreciate the help, but in the first instance what they appreciate most is the trust and the opportunity to make mistakes.. In this sense, many times it is not necessary to understand them or fear for them, just accompany them.

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