Psychological manipulation: how is it carried out?

The main objective of manipulative people is get what they want from others by implementing all kinds of strategies. Some of the most common are the following:

Make the other doubt in order to eliminate their criteria and follow your guidelines.Undervalue others with excessive and unconstructive criticism, damaging their self-esteem and security.Ignoring the demands of the other; That is, they ignore you in situations where you ask them for help.

This way, Manipulative people falsify facts to get confusion and create misunderstandings with others. And what’s more, they are quite adept at staying on top of things. outside of the discussions that they themselves have fostered. Incredible true?

Can manipulation be positive?

It is true that There are small manipulative actions that, in reality, are small nudges. For example, smiling to make a good impression in an interview, choosing a certain outfit to give a good image on a date, those small acts that we do looking for a reaction from the other…

These behavioral gestures, I I would not consider them manipulation, but social skills to achieve greater empathy from others. They are very praiseworthy, even healthy in order to achieve our objectives.

There are mirror neurons, a type of neurons that are activated when a person performs a behavior and is observed by another person. Thus, the same neurons are stimulated in both. These were found by the neurobiologist Giacomo Rizzolatti and according to his research they seem to be related to empathic behaviors (putting oneself in the other’s place), social and imitation behaviors.

The following examples will help you understand How mirror neurons can help you in your relationships with others:

If someone feels angry with you, I’m sure that if you try to calm them down, they will become more angry. It is more effective that you pretend in your gestures that you are also angry like him and with the greatest possible tact you imitate his movements, just like a mirror. You will see that in just over a quarter of an hour, he will most likely be calmer and his anger will have passed.Suppose you go to a job interview, if from the beginning you move as if you were the mirror where the person interviewing you is looking, you increase the probability that the interviewer will put himself in your place.

From transparent to covert manipulations

Both psychological and emotional manipulative behaviors occur among us almost continuously, but often covertly. We could even say that we ourselves may also be doing them without realizing it. Thus, It is very important to know how to recognize them and not get carried away by them.

On the other hand, we can consider that Language is the means by which we are manipulated or habitually manipulate. Therefore, we must be careful in what we say and how we say it. To do this, being able to put ourselves in the other’s shoes, that is, being empathetic, is a good antidote to manipulation.

The most common manipulation behaviors

Manipulative people often make fun of the opinions of others, generate a feeling of guilt, subtly attack, interrogate you, postpone indefinitely what does not interest them, always feel self-pity and adulterate reality. They use everything within their reach to control the moment.

Below, we present the most common manipulation strategies:

Make gas light. Phrases like ““That has never happened”““You’re wrong, that’s just in your imagination.” either “Are you crazy how I’m going to comment on that? They are used to distort and confuse others, making them believe something that has not happened.

Barton and Whitehead (1969) define gaslighting as ‘ the intentional pursuit of making a person appear crazy and obtaining a benefit from them’ . This ploy causes anguish and confusion, such that the person stops trusting himself, his memory, perception or his own judgment.

Blame the other. The manipulative person tries to spread their negative emotions and vulnerabilities. Or on the other hand, you try to shift your responsibility to the other person. He will try to put words in your mouth that you haven’t said, he will even try to make you think that he has the ability to know what you think.. Wordiness. It will try to envelop you and thus confuse you with meaningless verbiage. The goal is just to entangle. They practice monologues and try to envelop you with their verbiage. They disqualify and generalize. The manipulative person verbalizes general, vague, hollow and non-operative statements and his conclusions are very general. What they intend is to bring you down and discredit your ideas and opinions. They will have expressions like: “you always want to be right”, “everything feels bad”, “you never agree with me”. They offer you false help. They will criticize you trying to convince you that they help you. Your sentences will always start with “Yes, but…”. So, for example, if you have just bought a mobile phone, they will tell you that what a shame it is not the latest model; If you are dressed very well for a job interview, they will say that other shoes would have looked better on you… If you have done an impeccable job for a subject in your degree, they will tell you that the quality of the paper is not the best.

You are susceptible to being manipulative or being manipulated

We could consider that there are many prototypes of manipulative people: liars, psychopaths, toxic, narcissists or emotional blackmailers. What we also have to consider is that we can all have manipulative behaviors towards the people we live with at some point.

However, A victim of manipulation does not have to be considered weaker, vulnerable or special, but rather he is a victim because he is in the crosshairs of the manipulator.

We have all been or will be victims of some type of manipulation. Nobody is free from it. And, sometimes, These manipulations can interfere a lot in our lives, decreasing our self-esteem and, therefore, increasing our insecurities.

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