Passive violence: deep wounds that seem superficial

Talking about passive violence is still paradoxical. Violent refers us to an active position, so, in principle, they would be two exclusive concepts. However, in everyday life we ​​deal time and time again with people who, without raising their voices or saying strong or hurtful words, make us feel attacked. There are also situations that operate in the same way.

Who is a victim from passive violence he feels an indefinable discomfort and a dull irritation. At the same time, it usually becomes an agent of the same mechanism. This not only happens to individuals, but also to groups.

Passive violence, or a set of passive-aggressive attitudes, can be defined as an unconscious force. It is the result of the inability or impossibility to resolve a conflict with authority, in one or more of its various manifestations, or with an adverse situation. There is a feeling of helplessness or helplessness that turns into resignation. But that resignation is full of anger and frustration, which will end up manifesting themselves indirectly.

Everyday situations of passive violence

The most obvious examples of passive violence are found in many adolescents.. The parent tells them to bring order to their chaos, for example, and they respond with a sound like “Yaaaaa vaaa!” Afterwards, they never obey.

With the little ones It is also very common. They throw a tantrum and, if you don’t finally give in to their whim, they throw themselves back to hurt themselves (self-harm). Or, in other cases, days later they break the most expensive china in the house “accidentally.”

With adults, of course, there are also thousands of examples of passive violence. When you talk to someone and they pretend they didn’t hear you. Or when they give you a scathing criticism, disguised as advice or suggestion. Also when they put you between a rock and a hard place and kindly ask you to decide. And a long etcetera.

Passive violence and authority

Passive violence generally incubates in situations that involve power relations.. It is precisely this power that usually prevents or limits the expression of aggressive feelings. That is why an artificial resignation ensues, which then translates into passive violence.

Authority figures are often a constant target of passive violence as well. Parents in the first instance, but also bosses, teachers, doctors, etc. Sometimes they do not formally hold a position of power, but they have that connotation for others. As when one of the members of the couple has more control or influence within the relationship.

These figures of power also tend to give rise to different episodes of passive violence.. They know that those who are under their aegis do not have complete freedom to react to their excesses. Like when the boss asks you to work just one more hour each day, for the good of everyone. Or when your partner claims that they should help you because you wouldn’t be able to do it alone.

Passive violence is exercised by generating guilt, disqualifying, humiliating or using the other, although indirectly.. Sometimes it is very difficult to detect because it is usually wrapped in soft phrases and good manners. It is almost never conscious.

The effect of passive violence on human groups

Many passive violent behaviors are transmitted and nurtured within society.. Like when you walk down the street and a beggar asks you for alms. Sometimes you don’t want to or can’t give that help. And without further ado, the homeless person tells you, “May God bless him.” In many cases he actually doesn’t want God to bless you, but rather for you to cook in hell. And that is the message he gives you between the lines.

Explicit or passive violent behaviors engender responses in the same sense. The stressed boss makes some employees take much longer to do their tasks. The authoritarian teacher motivates indiscipline behavior, hidden or not. The controlling mother can give rise to chaotic children. The politician who buys votes feeds reason to citizens who do not pay taxes.

The most harmful thing about these passive violent behaviors is that, since they are not explicit, they generate confusion and more easily escape consciousness.. When you complain to the teenager for not complying with the order, he tells you “I told you it’s over!” If you tell your boss that his assessment is unfair, he will probably recite some doctrine about discipline and efficiency. And your partner may victimize or act genuinely surprised when you tell him or her that he or she is treating you like an idiot.

We must learn to put an end to these manipulation mechanisms. It is important to deal with conflicts face-to-face so that they do not motivate or fuel this type of violence. That doesn’t mean that you say everything that comes to mind without putting a filter on. It is simply about increase our ability to communicate, clearly and calmly, everything that we do not like.

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