Possessiveness of love: why it can be dangerous and how to control it?

Possessiveness is closely linked to jealousy, one of the great people in charge of destroying relationships. But it is also a self-destructive feeling related to the fear, distrust and insecurity that possessive people feel. A feeling that acts slowly but constantly, little by little undermining the couple until they break up.

But it is essential to distinguish between love and possessiveness. While in love there is trust, desire to share, comfort and space for each member of the couple; In possessiveness there is jealousy, selfishness and distrust on the part of the possessive. Therefore, there is no freedom, nor peace of mind for the other party; It is a relationship that leads to total destruction.

“If jealousy is a sign of love, it is like a fever in a sick man, for having it is a sign of having life, but a sick and ill-disposed life.”

-Miguel de Cervantes-

What triggers possessiveness

Possessive people have a history that can range from loneliness to discrimination in childhood.. They may have a low self-image; In some cases, it can even be a genetic trait that is inherited.

In this way, the desire to control can be hidden under the desire for possession. A control that may be motivated by low self-esteem. By loving ourselves little, we look for others to make us happy, that is, we hold others responsible for our happiness. Therefore, instead of loving freely, we cling to the other person and possessiveness is triggered.

It must be said that, regardless of the cause or antecedent, Possessive people suffer attacks of jealousy and anger towards their partner. This implies the existence of negative and painful episodes for both members of the couple. And it is incompatible, of course, with trust and love. When the possessive person considers that the partner does not make him happy, he can easily be invaded by anger.

How do possessive people show themselves?

Possessiveness is not only about dominating the other party, it goes much further. Possessive people come to see their partners as suspects, when in reality he has done nothing. Everything appears like a chain reaction, where the possession and domination of the other is greater every day. A vicious circle that poisons the relationship and mortally wounds it.

The possessive person even spies on their partner, checks their luggage and looks for signs of infidelity. in marriage. In short, he keeps suspecting her partner and doesn’t allow her to rest in peace. In extreme cases he may even follow and spy on the other person at work to find out if she is having an affair.

Destroying a relationship

Initially,Possessiveness is mistakenly interpreted as a sign of love, but when it becomes a persistent and negative trait, cracks begin to appear.relationship

The possessive person wants to take charge of everything, and causes disruption in the life scheme of both, so It is impossible for someone without freedom or tranquility to enjoy such an overwhelming relationship. It is a relationship that is doomed to failure. Space, respect, independence are fundamental elements to maintain a healthy relationship. The feeling of possession will only bring unhappiness and failure, no matter how long the relationship lasts.

“A jealous lover endures his lover’s illness better than his freedom.”

-Marcel Proust-

How to control possessiveness

To control possessiveness, Deep breathing and meditation can help you achieve higher levels of mental focus, which will help you escape that feeling of possession. Hypnosis also leads to self-control and letting oneself be guided by reason, avoiding possessiveness over loved ones.

Read Also: Strengthen your self-love with these 25 daily affirmations

Avoid seeing the other person as an object, try to express fears and Being aware that this feeling of possession is going to push the other away can help in the process.. Just as professional advice will also help when the situation starts to get out of hand.

Knowing the difference between love and attachment will also bring us great benefit in learning to truly love.

As the Buddhist nun Tenzin Palmo states: “Attachment says, I love you, therefore I want you to make me happy. Genuine love says, I love you, therefore I want you to be happy.. If that includes me, great, if it doesn’t include me I just want you to be happy. Attachment grabs hard and squeezes. “Genuine love gently sustains in a nourishing way allowing things to flow.”.