Neither with you nor without you, with me

Jealousy, fears, reproaches, anger, complexes… How far can a love become contaminated? We talk about those loves with conditions, those for which we wait, for which we stay aside in the hope that one day they will give us what we need.

But in this life there are few things that catch us by surprise, we are able to quickly predict that what we long for will never come to us from the hand of a love that is subjecting us to waiting.

Then the shadows arrive, the 7 plagues, the thousand evils, sadness, fatigue and disappointment. And when they do, the most absolute desolation reigns, the kind that prevents us from continuing to move forward and makes us abandon ourselves.

Freedom does not exist without detachment, nor is detachment a lack of Love.

We are not born captives, we become captivated

The sad reality is that We fertilize the emotional soil to cultivate unhealthy loves, of those that obstruct and destroy. We do not remove weeds from our path and that has consequences. If we do not first cultivate genuine love in ourselves, we will tend to seek it in others. This can lead us to establish even unhealthy relationships.

“ “I’d rather be bad with you than alone and without you.” many people may think. In this way, we are carrying out an election supported by the fear to lonelinessin not knowing how to be with ourselvesand even in thinking that we don’t deserve to be happy. This last thought underlies many toxic relationships. A low level of love and empathy towards oneself leads us to seek that toxic love under the unconscious premise that we do not deserve someone who makes us happy.

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It will not be possible to get rid of sadness and grief if we do not act in the opposite direction. It is better not to cover your eyes. When something goes wrong you just knowit is sensed and palpable in the environment.

Neither freedom is lack of love nor attachment is love

In truth, the way we understand relationships and love is very relative. Wanting to be a free soul does not mean giving up love. In the same way, there are relationships that, even if we love the other person very much, are really toxic and painful.

There are many love stories that are lost due to pride, forgetfulness or, simply, carelessness. But Today we talk about those relationships that have been poisoned by the black widow of love: emotional submission.

That’s why, When love becomes neither with you nor without you, it is time to abandon it or recycle it. That is, in every relationship, one’s own emotional health has to take precedence. There comes a point where instead of feeling love, what prevails is attachment. That is, the dependence and need of the other person. We label our partner as the cause of our happiness and we hold her responsible for it. This approach is completely misleading since no one has the obligation to make us happy.

Freedom is loving the other person as they are, without conditioning them, without telling them how they should be. At the same time, loving in freedom also means letting it go when the time comes. You may think that you need that person, they may give you many things, but there are times when you have to remove the blindfold and come to understand that it is bothering your emotions.

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You don’t love yourself until love hurts you.

This is true, We cannot love ourselves until we need it.. That internal need to love and understand ourselves arises when someone or something fails us, because only then do we see our shortcomings.

People always think that the most painful thing is losing someone you love. But the truth is that losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, forgetting who you are, is much worse.

When we give everything for a love that doesn’t deserve it, we begin to love each other. Having our pride touched makes the sparks of our inner love fly. We question where we have failed, we ask ourselves how we can feel better and how we will move forward. In other words, self-love enters through the head, not through the heart.

The sadness and feeling of emptiness that is created by letting go of what is not good for us is only a reflection of the longing that offers us what could be and was notwhat we wanted it to be and it didn’t arrive.

If you let that sadness enter without fear, it will lead you to definitive liberationto independence, to a life without resistance, without jealousy, without reproaches and without guilt that contaminates.

So, if we have gotten on the boat of contaminated love, it is best to look for something that helps us float inside. Because, above all, our life is not lived with or without someone, but with ourselves.