Negative emotions: tell me what bothers you and I will tell you what you need to change

When we experience negative emotions we tend to think that others are to blame.. It is the other person who has made me angry, who has made me sad, who has made me anxious. This, in addition to generating resentment against the other, leaves us without options for action since we are at the mercy of what the other tells us.

In this article we will propose a new perspective on negative emotions that places us at the center of the process.. What I feel is not someone else’s fault, it is my responsibility. Therefore, I can extract from that emotional state a message that helps me know myself better and grow personally.

This new approach will allow us to understand that Those uncomfortable feelings are generated because there are parts of ourselves that need to be worked on.. Nobody does me wrong, I do it to myself, therefore I can change the situation.

Negative emotions and the law of the mirror

The law of the mirror, in its four manifestations, constitutes a valuable source of self-awareness. In addition, it is a great tool for our personal development. However, for the matter at hand today, we will focus on its first two statements. These claim that The way we perceive reality is only reflecting our own internal world.

Therefore, There are no external culprits or generators of negative emotions. We are the only ones responsible for our emotional states. Thus, we have the ability to modify our perception of reality by modifying our thoughts and doing inner work.

1. First law of the mirror

“Everything that bothers me, angers me, irritates me or I want to change into another, is something that is actually inside me”. At first glance, this statement may seem contradictory and it is common to feel tempted to reject it outright. However, if we give ourselves the opportunity to reflect on it we will see that it holds a lot of truth.

For example, It is common in couples for one of the members to feel that the other does not value them, that they do not give them their place, that they do not take their needs into account. From this position he states that his partner makes him angry or makes him feel enormous sadness. The reality is that this lack of appreciation on the part of his partner is only a reflection of his own lack of appreciation.

This person will probably have a tendency to forget about his own desires to please his partner, he will put his needs in second place and dedicate his energy to taking care of his partner. It is he himself who is not giving himself value in the first place, he is not paying attention. His relationship is just a reflection of his inner state. Therefore, instead of blaming your partner, it will be more beneficial to take responsibility and work on self-esteem and self-care.

2. Second law of the mirror

“Everything that the other person criticizes or judges me about, whether it bothers me or hurts me, represents my own unresolved issue that needs to be addressed.” This perspective suggests that other people’s words only hurt us when they coincide with our own beliefs. If we pay attention we can find numerous examples in our daily lives. Those comments that hurt us the most are those that seem to “stick our finger in an open sore.”

If someone criticizes some aspect of our person that we feel confident and proud of, it will not affect us.. Our personal opinion takes precedence over other people’s comments. On the other hand, when we are judged for something that, consciously or unconsciously, also bothers us about ourselves, we jump like a spring.

When external criticism coincides with internal criticism, negative emotions erupt like a volcano. The solution is to face everything that we refuse to see about ourselves, observe it in depth and integrate it. When we are aware of our failures and accept ourselves as we are, external judgments stop affecting us.

Take responsibility for your negative emotions

If we adopt this approach in our lives we will put ourselves in a position of control over our own emotions.. We will be able to understand where they come from, what they come to tell us and how we should proceed. From this perspective we do not need external culprits because we take responsibility for ourselves. Negative emotions, despite being unpleasant, will always constitute an important help in self-knowledge and inner work.

You might be interested…