10 things you need to know before filing for divorce

Now that I’m nearing the end of my divorce process, I’ve stopped to reflect on some things I could have done differently. I don’t think there is an ideal book to prepare you for divorce, not least because each person’s experience is different. But if you’re set on getting divorced, there are a few things you need to know!

1- How would divorce affect my children?

When my husband and I started preparing the divorce papers, my 3-year-old daughter Valentina soon realized the situation (it seems not, but the children, no matter how small they are, understand what is going on with their parents). From then on, her grades at school only plummeted, her life at home was no longer the same and her relationship with my mother and father always came with questions like: “don’t you and daddy love each other anymore?”, “And now what am I going to do without you two together.” It broke my heart. It was very difficult to get their grades up and their life back to normal, because they don’t understand the power of a divorce, for them it’s not conceivable.

2- Do not use friends to carry out the divorce

Don’t use friends for legal advice – which means, don’t hire a friend to handle the divorce, even if your friend will give you a discount. My ex and I started out that way, and the friend was truly lovely and magnanimous of heart to want to help two people who are getting divorced, but friends always tend to put others to work ahead of theirs and for that reason, it’s been 20 months now. that we are trying to finalize the divorce process and so far nothing.

3- Be clear and objective

Our lawyer was shocked when he read our divorce agreement. Everything was completely vague and with no objective of properly interpreted separation of goods. “No, no, no! Do not do it!” It doesn’t matter how comfortable you and your ex are now, when it’s all on paper things are very different. Having everything written down in detail and not letting any information slip by is completely important to both of you.

4- Learning to deal with new partners

Even though my ex and I decided together to settle the divorce, when he arrived with a new girlfriend and wanted to introduce her to my son, it was hard for me to simply know that there would be a stranger around my daughter. Even if you no longer feel anything for your ex, when he arrives with a new partner and wants to introduce your child to him, it will be very difficult to accept at first.

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5- A new partner can change your ex’s thinking

Even though your ex is a nice person now, with the arrival of a new partner things can change tragically. That contact, however brief, with your ex may be cut off once and for all. This can turn a breakup that was performed in a healthy way into a troubled breakup.

6. Retraining takes time!

I thought a year later I would be fine after breaking up with my ex. In fact, I’m happy and I don’t want him to come back. However, it takes time to adjust to all the changes that a divorce can bring you, like new partners, new homes, schedules, etc. I’m happy with my new life, sometimes I get sad and I still find sharing my daughter with someone else hard. It takes time, and everyone grieves at their own pace.

7- Separation is separation

When you decide to separate things now change for real. The entrance to the house is no longer the same, the relationship is no longer the same. Everything changes.

Therefore, before applying for divorce, think very carefully, reflect together and look for an alternative. A divorce will change your life and your lifestyle forever!

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