Narcissistic siblings: what characteristics do they present?

There often comes a point in our lives when we become aware of something. We were victims of a dysfunctional family in which our parents, for some reason, prioritized one child above the rest. She was the “golden” boy or girl. This will translate tomorrow into the figure of those narcissistic brothers with whom we are almost always on the warpath.

Arguments, selfish and abusive behavior, excessive demands, reproaches… If having a brother is, on average, a gift of life and a constant ally even from a distance, there are times when this formula is not fulfilled. Sometimes we grow up with a clearly harmful presence, shaped expressly by parents with equally narcissistic traits.

Almost without knowing how, We find ourselves involved in exhausting dynamics that mark our childhood and even adulthood. On the one hand, we have a father or mother who places all their attention, hopes and affections on just one of their children. On the other hand, we must deal with a tyrannical, spoiled, competitive, and sometimes even verbally or physically aggressive brother.

They are silenced and highly complex realities that are worth talking about.

Much of the origin of narcissism is in the parenting style.

Narcissistic siblings, victims of selective education

“Making” a narcissist is easier than we think. It is enough to reinforce the child’s egocentrism and deactivate her empathy. It is enough to educate him from an inflated and disproportionate view of himself, with messages such as: “You are the most handsome, you are the most intelligent, you are the child that mom loves most in the world, etc.”

Narcissistic siblings are the result of an unequal and discriminatory upbringing that built a distorted identity in them. This identity was nourished by the internalization of narratives that allowed them to assume, from very early on, that they and only they were worthy of all forms of love and attention.

Little by little, block by block, that harmful personality was built that becomes more pronounced and harmful over the years. What’s more, research from the University of Amsterdam affects this same fact. Narcissism is partly rooted in early socialization experiences. Education is that first factor capable of shaping this personality profile.

What characteristics, traits and behaviors do they demonstrate?

Anyone who grows up with a narcissistic brother or sister keeps many childhood memories in their memory that are not always pleasant.. Later, as the years go by, that relationship becomes more tense, harmful and complex. To the point that in adulthood, it is common to stay apart or have specific meetings due to mere family commitment.

Let’s now look at some signs that define them:

From a very young age they needed excessive attention and recognition. They only take their own needs into account. Even as children, they frequently resorted to lying and blackmail. They always showed an obsessive need to compete for almost anything.They blame us for any disagreement or family problem. They love to display their achievements in front of the family. They always project a clear antagonism towards us.They are reactive, argumentative, do not empathize and barely listen when we talk to them.They don’t usually show any interest in how our lives are going.When we defend ourselves or reproach them for their attitude, they point out that we are too sensitive.They are skilled at getting our parents to always take a stand in their favor.

Narcissistic siblings sometimes make us end up disconnecting from the family.

Narcissistic siblings are the bone of contention. They are the disruptive element, the trigger of every discussion and that figure that always brings with it a battle that we do not want to start. If as children they were the right eye of our parents, in adulthood they will be the right and also the left.. Something like this, as we can well assume, has a cost.

It is common for us to end up distancing ourselves from that clearly dysfunctional family. If the origin of everything is in parents who deliberately created that division and that deference on only one person, it is common to choose to avoid contact, as much as possible. When family love is not unconditional, every bond oozes suffering.

When treating narcissistic siblings, we must learn to set limits and stop expecting a positive change in their way of being.

How to treat a brother or sister with narcissistic traits?

The complex thing about having to deal with narcissistic siblings is that we also have to deal with a family hierarchy.. The one in which we are at the bottom and the golden son at the top. However, sometimes, we cannot distance ourselves from one or the other. In these cases, it is advisable to take the following into account:

Don’t expect anything from them. We must accept reality, and it is none other than that brother, and that family will not value us, nor will it take our needs into account. Let us, therefore, avoid depending on them in any aspect, and stop expecting a miraculous change.Reaffirm your limits. If you are forced to maintain contact with these narcissistic siblings, make it clear what they can and cannot expect from you. Not everything goes and it is necessary to clarify it as soon as possible.Heal your wounds from the past. You have grown up in a dysfunctional family that has only focused affection on a single child. Maybe you have many memories and experiences to heal. Don’t hesitate to ask for expert help.

Last but not least, put the focus on the figures that truly bring you affection, validation and understanding in your daily life. That and no other, is your true family; the one you have chosen and formed.

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