Narcissistic parenting: how it affects children

3. Not feeling recognized

They may also feel unrecognized and have the feeling that their emotions are not validated (due to their parents’ emotional difficulties, already mentioned), which directly impacts their self-esteem.

4. Little confidence in one’s own emotions

Furthermore, this can cause the child to not trust his emotions (which will generate personal insecurities) or to “understand” that he does not have the right to express them (because when he expresses them, he is either not heard or is not understood).

5. Difficulties connecting with who they are

On the other hand, another of the effects of narcissistic parenting on children is that they They may feel treated like an accessoryor as a source that meets the needs of parents (for example, not to feel alone), rather than what they are: children or adolescents.

And this can lead to the child not knowing how to develop a sense of self, not being able to know himself, and therefore not knowing who he is. He may also feel manipulated.

6. Valued for what they do

Due to this tendency, in narcissistic people, to get the most out of people, for their own benefit, the child who receives a narcissistic upbringing also can be valued more for what it does than for what it is (for its values, its essence, etc.).

And this can make this child afraid of showing himself as he is (especially if he has a hard time connecting with who he is, as we said in the previous point).

7. A controversial demand

Children of parents who carry out narcissistic upbringing may also receive an apparently contradictory message from their parents, who demand that they do things (very) well, but who, at a given moment, put the stop because they don’t want to be “eclipsed” either. That may sound a little controversial, but it can happen, especially, in parents of teenage children.

8. Attachment and social relationships

Furthermore, the child will also not have an adequate reference, a role model to establish healthy emotional relationships, for example. And this will have repercussions on your social and relationship life when you are older, since the way we learn to bond during childhood (attachment) influences how we relate as adults. And that attachment, which may be an insecure attachment, will impact the social relationships of these children when they grow up.

9. Damage to self-esteem

Still, the child may grow up feeling that he is not good enough; either because his parents do not reinforce, praise or validate him, or because if they do, they do it inappropriately. This can damage children’s self-esteem, as well as their self-image (which they may also have trouble defining).

10. Impact on brain development

Beyond the psychological effects, research has also proven how narcissistic parenting has an impact on the brain development of children, observing variations in the volume of cerebral gray matter and a smaller size of the hippocampus; This is associated with the high stress load maintained for years.

A narcissistic upbringing has effects on children, and can lead to emotional and behavioral problems in them.

My parents are narcissists: what can I do?

Start looking for your own path, to differentiate yourself from them, and learn to set limits; They are your parents, but not your entire life, no matter how much you love them (and one thing does not take away the other). This is not easy, especially at different ages. But for older kids, it is important that you can lean on other family members or friends, ask for advice and even professional help.

What is clear is that, if you have grown up in a narcissistic upbringing, this will have influenced you in some wayand something that can help you is to start taking responsibility for your own life and take control of your path.

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