Narcissistic anger, a dangerous reaction: what it is and how it manifests

Shouting, hitting furniture, insulting or even making use of that passive aggressiveness of someone who chooses to cause harm in a continuous but hidden way. Narcissistic anger can manifest itself in many ways, but in all of them a specific form of violence is exhibited.. This reaction occurs when the narcissist feels violated, ignored or disappointed.

It’s not just about poor emotional management or lack of education. Narcissistic rage is a reflection of a personality disorder in which multiple factors are integrated. The upbringing received, egocentrism, lack of empathy, intolerance of frustration, lack of impulse control and often even untreated trauma tend to outline this very complex reality.

However, and despite the fact that most and least people already know or have lived with a person with these characteristics, there is something that is not talked about too much. When a narcissistic person reaches the limit and feels damaged or threatened, The behavior it demonstrates is as dangerous as it is overstated.

What is narcissistic anger?

It was the psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut who coined the term narcissistic anger in 1972. He defined this behavior as a form of aggression in which a narcissistic person can display violent behavior. The complicated thing is that, on average, this personality profile has a very sensitive threshold and it is common for them to feel upset, upset and angry at the slightest moment.

Something like this makes coexistence highly problematic and the environment always treads carefully so as not to offend them, so as not to unclog the plug of rage, the hatch of explosive anger that makes everything tremble. Dr. Kohut explained to us in his book Reflections on narcissism and narcissistic anger that The origin of this psychological reality is in many cases in an untreated or unmanaged trauma.

How the narcissist’s rage manifests itself

Studies, such as the one carried out at the University of Iowa in 2015, support an interesting hypothesis. Narcissistic anger explodes when the sense of “I” that the person has built is violated or undermined in some way. The problem is that, on average, they show very low self-esteem and this explains why they process almost any event or phenomenon as a threat.

Many times it is the case that they themselves do not know what triggered their anger.. Sometimes they explode for no good reason. They do it only because they have unconsciously processed any stimulus as a threat.Narcissistic anger can be explosive or present in a passive-aggressive mannerThe first arises through very intense, but volatile outbursts. They may attack verbally or even hit walls and furniture. In certain cases, they can come to blows and lead to physical violence.The passive-aggressive rage of the narcissist manifests itself in less striking ways, but just as pernicious. An example of this is stopping speaking as a punishment, ignoring the person who has offended you or even turning third parties against them.

On the other hand, there is something remarkable about this reaction. On average, in a non-narcissistic person, anger arises after several emotional levels. That is to say, it is common to feel first confusion, then anxiety, later agitation, frustration, irritation and finally, anger.

The person with a narcissistic personality disorder does not follow this sequence. Anger is that fuse that can light in the second at the least unexpected moment.

What are the causes that explain the rage of the narcissistic personality?

The ego of a narcissistic person is very fragile. A simple touch is enough to make him feel hurt and threatened. It is common for them to interpret any comment as a humiliation, a look as a mockery, a specific gesture as a sign of contempt. They are distrustful and very bad managers of understanding, reflection or objectivity.

Therefore, if we ask ourselves where narcissistic anger comes from, we can focus on three triggers.

Fragile sense of self

We pointed it out at the beginning. Behind many narcissists there are traumas, painful experiences that have not been overcome. A bad childhood, detachment from parents or a dysfunctional family. All of this can lay the foundations for this disorder. In this context, it is easy for the person to integrate feelings of anger, shame, and not feeling loved or valued.

These dimensions make it difficult to build a sense of self, a secure and mature identity. However, as a defense mechanism, they develop an armor in which shines the sense of grandiloquence, the need to be the center of attention, etc. When this is not achieved, all the accumulated anger, all the poorly managed frustration emerges…

The need to protect the ego

A narcissist is nobody, but he strives to appear better than anyone. If he contradicts you, you challenge him. Anyone who opposes him is attacking that golden armor that he has worked so hard to build.. If he is not offered the attention he requires, he explodes because we take away what he needs most: the reinforcement to nourish his low self-esteem.

Narcissistic anger and underlying fear

It is important to know that narcissistic anger is not just a violent reaction, it is not just a spring that explodes due to a feeling of frustration for not having what one wants. What there really is is fear. Underlying this profile is a deep fear that his fragility will become evident.. Also to lose what is under his control, to fall from his throne, to have his weak personality exposed…

To conclude, every narcissist has a very thin emotional skin, therefore, when he is challenged or his protective barriers fall, the worst of him emerges. Something like this has a serious impact on all levels of that person’s life: personal, work, financial… It is a very complex psychological reality that requires professional support and adequate therapy.

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