My teenage son showed up with a tattoo? What to do?

My 15-year-old son showed up with a huge tattoo on his arm. Not only do I think it’s too early to do this, but I’m afraid it will jeopardize his career. Am I too old-fashioned? Should I demand removal? (Question submitted by reader)

At age 15, teenagers are forming their identity and really want to belong to a group. The desire to get a tattoo may arise from there, but this is a decision that should not be taken alone. “At that age, young people are still not mature in any way, neither neurological nor emotional”, says pedagogue Renata Gazzinelli, pedagogical director of the Manoel Pinheiro Educational Institute in Belo Horizonte. “As much as the tattoo is now more accepted than in the past, it can lead to future regrets because adolescence is a phase in which opinions are not ready and emotions are exacerbated”, adds psychologist Susana Orio, educational advisor at the Mother Alix College, in São Paulo.

If the teenager got a tattoo without parental consent, rather than thinking about removing it – which can be costly or leave marks and sometimes is not even possible –, the key now is for parents to work to regain lost control. “They need to reorganize the hierarchy. It must be clear to the son that he has done something serious and still does not have the autonomy to govern everything in his own life”, says pedagogue Renata. For example, not going to school or entering the house and leaving whenever you want are out of the question. “Adolescents can give their opinion about extracurricular courses they would like to take or where they would love to spend their holidays, but always among options given by those responsible”, observes psychologist Susana. “Knowing how to decide for yourself is important to not be guided only by the opinion of friends, but he needs limits. If he doesn’t get them now, he will become an adult who thinks he can do anything.”

The boy must even understand that, by choosing to get a tattoo without parental consent, he has done something that could have legal consequences. In Brazil, there is no federal law that prohibits minors from tattooing, but there are states and municipalities where this is only allowed for people over 18 years old. In others, young people over 16 can only with parental permission. “If the professional does not respect the local legislation, the tattoo can be considered bodily injury”, explains lawyer Alexandra Ullmann, specialist in family law, from Rio de Janeiro.

One way to avoid surprises like this is to be vigilant about what your children are doing and who their friends are. “Getting a tattoo is not an overnight decision. Young people are showing signs: maybe they talk about it with someone who is open at home, like a sister, or they start to change the way they dress”, explains Susana. “When noticing changes in behavior, parents should seek dialogue to try to understand and help the child in his search for identity.” Even if the drawing is already there, try to reconnect with your child and understand what the attitude represented for him. If it’s something that bothers you so much, maybe you did it precisely to get your attention. Use the episode as the missing link between you.

* Want to suggest topics for the section? Send your question to falecomclaudia@