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My partner wants to have sex, but I don’t: what do I do?

The difference in sexual desire in couples is a fairly common problem. In these circumstances, the ideal is to identify alternatives where both parties win.

A fairly common situation that afflicts couples is the difference in sexual desire between them. It is common to hear: “my partner wants to have sex, but I don’t“. In these cases, The fundamental thing is not to avoid the difference, but to find a balanced and fair solution for both.

Below, we delve deeper into this phenomenon and propose a series of tips for the next time your partner wants to have sex and you’re not in the mood.

How often should you have sex with your partner?

There is no standard frequency that fits all couples.. Everything will depend on the subjective circumstances of each one.

However, according to a 2015 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, Most happily married couples have sex about once a week..

It is important to mention that Sex is good for the relationship. A healthy amount of sexual intimacy, which may be different for each couple, strengthens the relationship and helps each partner feel more satisfied and connected to both themselves and the relationship.

5 keys for when your partner wants sex, but you don’t

What happens when your partner wants sex, but you don’t? After all, you love her and want her to feel satisfied, but perhaps tiredness, stress or worries are influencing your sexual desire.

In these cases, Saying “no” is an option, but it is not the only one.. Therefore, if your partner begins to seduce you, but you are not willing, the ideal would be to look for alternatives that prevent both of you from feeling uncomfortable or bothered. Here are some ways to achieve this:

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1. Avoid pressure

First of all, Your partner should not pressure you nor should you put pressure on yourself. We must respect the needs of each person and not seek to increase sexual encounters out of obligation.

If pressure and sexuality are mixed, the results are usually reluctance and the feeling of imperative to do it. The problem is that, In the long run, sex will take on a negative tone that will generate greater rejection on your part.

2. Postpone the meeting

Spontaneous sexual activity is always appreciated. However, sometimes it is okay to postpone the sexual encounter, especially when the circumstances at the time are not the most appropriate for one of the members of the couple.

Be honest and ask your partner to postpone the meeting. Furthermore, this request can add greater excitement to the relationship, since desire is exacerbated when you wait for its satisfaction.

However, Do not ask for something that you are not going to fulfill, because if you don’t end up doing it, your partner will feel bad. Therefore, make sure you have time to have sex with your partner. Something that can help you is to consider the meeting as an appointment that you cannot miss.

3. Find other ways to connect

Intimacy and sexuality contain a range of pleasurable elements. Now, if you don’t feel like making love, you can also seek to connect with your partner in other ways:

Offer him a massage.Prepare a special meal for him.Take a bath togetherHave an intimate conversationGive him kisses and caresses.

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In some cases, these activities and proposals can end up increasing both of your sexual desires, which may lead you to have sex. Quality time and emotional connection pave the way for sexual arousal for many couples.

4. Manage your desire

If your partner wants sex, but you don’t, it is important that you both keep in mind that Sexuality is the responsibility of each person. This means that if one of the two has less desire, they can find a way to work on it, such as connecting more with their own eroticism, reading more information about it, among other alternatives.

For its part, Those who have a higher desire can look for ways to manage it. Sometimes, the responsibility of meeting all our needs is placed on the partner, but this is not the case. We can also do something in this context, such as giving ourselves pleasure.

5. Cultivate empathy

Dialogue with your partner is vitally important to know the needs and expectations about sex.. Furthermore, it is the key to understanding and understanding others.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try not to take anything personally, especially if the other person expresses frustration at being rejected. There is often much more inside than meets the eye. Therefore, ask yourself how she may feel or how you can help her.

Finally, if sexual incompatibility increases the intensity of the problems, the ideal is to go to a psychologist or sexologist.

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All cited sources were reviewed in depth by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, validity and validity. The bibliography in this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

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Besoain, C; Sharim, D.; Carmona, M.; Bravo, D. & Barrientos, J.(2017). Without conflict and without desire: The tensions of individualization in the couple experience of young Chileans. CES Psychology, 10(1), 109-128. Available at: https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=423550874008Moral de la Rubia, J. (2011). Frequency of sexual relations in married couples: differences between men and women. Studies on Contemporary Cultures, XVII(33), 45-76. ISSN: 1405-2210. Available at: https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=31618563004Sánchez, C.; Corres, N.; Blum, B. & Carreño, J. (2009). Profile of the relationship of psychological factors of female and male hypoactive sexual desire. Mental health, 32(1), 43-51. ISSN: 0185-3325. Available at: https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=58212260006

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