My partner doesn’t want me, is this the end?

Sexual relations are an important part of the lives of many couples.. A moment of intimacy and connection that allows them to feel fulfilled. However, we are all aware that the effervescence of emotions and feelings that are felt at the beginning of the relationship settle and gain other nuances as the years go by. But what happens if my partner doesn’t want me?

Lack of desire in a relationship is usually a serious problem. However, as the psychotherapist Xavier Serrano Hortelano indicates in a conference he gave in 2003, “Even when desire has been lost, there can still be well-being, communication, complicity, development and common growth.». Difficulties arise when this is not the case.

Xavier Serrano Hortelano leaves an encouraging message if we find ourselves thinking about questions like “why doesn’t my partner want me?” and he considers that the absence of desire is not a circumstance that necessarily precipitates the breakup.

Next, we will discover why, well lack of sexual desire can be solvedalthough at first this lack seems like the beginning of the end.

Why doesn’t my partner want me?

exist multiple reasons why we can start to worry about our partner’s lack of desire. Each of them will require different solutions; On the other hand, each of these coping strategies will have a degree of difficulty and will require another level of effort. Thus, we are going to see different scenarios that can cause this lack of desire on the part of our partner and the possible ways to resolve it.

Infidelity

According to the newspaper La Razón, which compiled data on a study carried out by a dating portal, Lack of sex “is one of the reasons why someone might consider an extramarital relationship”. Making this decision, instead of solving the problem, only causes the problem to become more complex. Having other relationships causes you to lose interest in your partner.

What could be done in these cases? To begin with, the initial step is couple therapy. Many people can trust the other person again. To belong to this group, if we want to save the relationship, entering a therapy context can help us a lot. Let us think that in this environment, in some way, communication, in terms of manners and forms, will be protected.

Problems in the couple

If they argue too much or there is emotional distance or problems due to jealousy or infidelity, it is normal for sexual desire and attraction to reduce and the desire to make love to disappear due to the current circumstances.

sexual dysfunctions

Premature ejaculation or vaginismus, among other possible sexual dysfunctions, can cause my partner to not want me. The discomfort felt in relationships or fear will cause sex to become more and more spaced out over time.

In these types of situations it is advisable go to the doctor. The causes why sexual dysfunctions can appear are multiple; On the other hand, the first ones to discard are the organic ones, hence the recommendation to go for a consultation.

It may also happen that sexual dysfunctions appear at a specific time, caused by external agents, such as alcohol. However, A poor attribution of causality can cause anxiety to appear, producing a permanent problem over time where there was none.. All this can be resolved with the help of a doctor and a sexologist.

Boredom and monotony in bed

Another reason why my partner doesn’t want me may be due to boredom. When we have been with the same person for many yearsit is easy for routines to have appeared in sex and surprises or experiments to have disappeared.

Thus, in the sexual field, For a relationship to work, you have to take care of it. It’s like adding wood to a bonfire to keep the flame burning. In terms of relationships it is the same. Going on dates, adding toys, trying new positions, another way of maintaining relationships (tantra, for example) can help.

Always practicing the same sexual positions and repeating the same thing always ends up killing anyone’s desire. Therefore, it is very important to have initiative and experiment with new things, in addition to discovering new forms of pleasure together.

Stress and/or anxiety

Daily stress, worries, and anxiety cause alterations in hormones and, therefore, a series of physical and psychological changes, which end up affecting the level of sexual desire.

So, When tension accumulates and situations overwhelm us, a general blockage occurs that ends up affecting our sexual life.. In this aspect, stress usually favors apathy and inhibition of desire.

Fear of not satisfying the other

It may happen that a person feels fear or worry about not being able to satisfy their partner in bed, and this can lead them to avoid or reject sexual relations.

What to do if your partner doesn’t want you sexually?

As we already saw, there are multiple factors that may be causing a lack of sexual desire in your partner. Although the solution depends on the circumstances, it is important to know the best way to address this problem with your partner.

Speak openly

This is the most important. The first step is to talk to your partner about any problems that are distressing or worrying you. Express how you feel and convey how essential it is for you to have a more active sexual life. In addition, Let him/her tell you what he/she feels and thinks regarding this problem. Try to be totally honest, understanding and respectful.

Identify obstacles and how to solve them

The factors that can affect sexual desire are diverse, so you must Find out what is causing the problem and act accordingly.

For example, if your partner is going through a difficult time or is more stressed than usual, perhaps it would be best for you to understand and try to offer your support so that he or she can relax and be calmer. If the problem is physical, you should provide your help and make an appointment with the appropriate doctor.

Review your expectations and beliefs

In society there is an implicit norm regarding sex: it is necessary in a couple, the more the better, and its absence is synonymous with problems. However, sexuality is discovering its complex and diverse nature with each study on the subject.so many people discover that their lack of desire is something totally acceptable in a partner.

Therefore, and if there is no pathology associated with lack of desire, it is the ideal time to rethink one’s own values ​​in this regard. Why doesn’t your partner want you anymore? Does that mean he doesn’t love you? Is your level of sexual activity compatible? There is a lot to think about.

Seek professional help

In the case of physical conditions, Ideally, they should be treated by a suitable specialist.. Likewise, if the problem has a psychological origin, it is best to seek professional help. They can seek help from a sexologist or couples therapist.

If my partner doesn’t want me, this is not the end

In all the cases presented, and others that may occur, it is advisable put ourselves in the hands of a professional to help and guide us. We should not be ashamed of this. Quite the opposite. It is normal that over time the desire decreases. Children, lack of time, stress, everything influences. But, there are solutions.

Although in many cases the lack of desire can be related to lack of love, and this does imply a breakup, there are other situations in which the relationship can move forward. Nevertheless, It is necessary that both members of the relationship agree. If one does not want to make an effort or show interest in working on the plan set by the therapist, then perhaps it is the end.

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