My husband doesn’t want me to work

When she was 20 years old, Telma Maria Barioni Capassi, from São Paulo, married Marcelo, a co-worker. In love, she did not refuse her husband’s request to stop working. He wanted her to protect herself, as she was in her sixth month of pregnancy.

The first child was born, the second followed three years later, and Telma never returned to the job market. According to her, her husband, until today, never said clearly “I don’t want you to work outside!”, But he always tries to convince her with arguments for her to stay at home. “With the birth of the children, I was convinced that it was important for them to have their mother at home until the age of three”, she says.

But when the second child was six months old, she decided to go back to school. “Despite Marcelo’s complaints about the progress of my chores at home, I completed a fine arts course,” she says. From then on, Telma, now 39 years old, chose to work at home, painting canvases and doing embroidery. ”Working out would definitely create a bad mood. When I’m at home, that doesn’t happen.”

When is it better to have a professional career

Telma says that, despite being out of the job market for years, she has always tried to find out about everything, studying, reading and researching on the Internet. “I think I have a lot of potential and that ended up being wasted, but I’m not going to give up: I’m still going to fulfill myself professionally”, she believes.

Letting time pass, postponing entering the job market every day due to marriage, happens to many women, like Telma. Responsibility for not pursuing a career is usually attributed to the husband. Psychologist Glaucia Imparato, from São Paulo, says that it’s easier to blame your own frustrations on other people. ”Women in this situation have accommodated. Perhaps out of fear of taking risks, because everything in life has gains and losses, ”she justifies. At the same time, she classifies the behavior of husbands who do not accept that women work outside the home as insecure. ”Some men, out of insecurity, make it difficult for their partners to achieve professional fulfillment, out of fear of competition, jealousy, or selfishness.”

But it’s never too late to change the course of life, as stated by therapist Bianca Bras, from Rio de Janeiro. ”The partner who loves should think about seeing his woman fulfilled in every way, not just at home. Therefore, women must go to fight.” The psychologist Socorro Nery, from Fortaleza, reinforces. “The marriage can end and, if the woman does not have a profession, she can be without both: the husband and the job.”

When is it better to be a housewife

But not all women are unhappy with being housewives. There are those who feel happy that way. This is the case of Ivana Cleide de Sena Alves, 28 years old, from São Paulo. “My husband wants me home,” she says. Her husband Carlos’ allegation convinces her perfectly. “It’s just that he likes to travel to Bahia every year and I’m working, it would be hard to reconcile with his vacations”, she says. Ivana’s story can be summarized as follows: she was a primary school teacher in the interior of Bahia. At age 24, she moved in with Carlos in São Paulo and stopped working.

She admits that she doesn’t feel very comfortable depending on her husband for everything, but she has a strong argument: “We see so many broken marriages because the woman works outside the home and doesn’t have time for the house and her husband! When we get married, it’s to work out and be happy, “she says. Psychologist Hugo Seixas, from Campinas, SP, explains that today’s woman is quite divided between family and profession. ”There are a lot of women currently working and would love to become Amelia. Others, frustrated as housewives, live dreaming of financial independence and professional achievement. It is up to each one to do what makes them most happy”, she concludes.