My daughter became a young lady… And now?

The breasts give the first sign: the girl is becoming a girl. About six months later, pubic hair appears and, within two years, the first menstruation. This stage is full of physical and emotional novelties for the preteen.

“The girl goes through changes in her own body over which she has no control and still needs to adopt new habits, such as wearing a bra, sanitary pads and, later, even a contraceptive method”, explains psychoanalyst Giovanna Albuquerque Maranhão de Lima, from São Paulo .

The important thing for the young woman to face this moment with security and tranquility, according to her, is that the parents keep an open channel of communication with their daughter, and well before the first menstruation. She understands this phase and knows how to guide her daughter in her main doubts.

seek help

To clarify doubts, take your daughter to the doctor

Your daughter is growing up and the best way to help her is, in addition to informing and talking a lot, to seek specialized help. The gynecologist is the best specialist to guide the young woman about the changes that occur in the body and clarify all doubts about contraceptive methods (to avoid pregnancy) and forms of prevention against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), such as AIDS.

And what about preteen boys?

The first ejaculation does not have the right age to happen, but, according to data from the Ministry of Health, it occurs on average at 12 years and 8 months, usually involuntarily during sleep. But this is not a rule, because it depends on the development of each one. “Parents should talk beforehand, explaining what will happen, so that the boy doesn’t get scared. It doesn’t have to be a formal conversation. They can take a moment after the football game, for example, and get into the subject naturally”, explains the psychoanalyst.

Anxiety of a Teenager

“When will my first period be?”

It can occur from 9 to 16 years old, but the average age is 12 years and 4 months. It is important to know that menstrual cycles may not be regular at this stage.

“My friend has already become a girl and I haven’t…”

It is common to make comparisons, but this generates doubts and anguish. Talk to your daughter and explain that there may be a time difference with her friend and that there is no right or wrong. After all, everyone has their own pace of development. Puberty – the period of changes in the body that begins when the breasts appear – has no exact age to start and can occur between 8 and 13 years.

How should parents act?

Step 1:

Neither girl nor girl

Do not be surprised or ask your daughter to decide if she has grown up or if she is still small. When the first menstruation occurs, it is normal for the girl to alternate between girlish and girlish behaviors – or to have both at the same time! “The girl experiences the challenge of accommodating within herself a new vision of herself, her body and her relationship with her parents, for example”, explains the psychoanalyst. The secret is to talk a lot and be patient.

Step 2:

a new woman

It is necessary to respect each stage: first, the girl will become a teenager to, years later, become a woman. At puberty, the girl is introduced to many new things, such as shaving, skin changes (with possible pimples or acne) and symptoms of menstruation and premenstrual tension (PMS), such as irritability, headache, swelling and breast pain . “It is important for the mother to share her experience with her daughter. Saying, for example: ‘These things are new, you’re scared’. It is a simple but direct question”, says the psychoanalyst. According to Giovanna, there is no ready recipe. The mother should talk without “invading”, seeing how far the girl feels comfortable talking.

Step 3:

The challenges to face

“At this stage, the emotional overload is great and the girl has to work hard to handle everything. Physical growth is fast, and the mind keeps trying to run after it”, explains the psychoanalyst. And, depending on the type of relationship that the young woman has with her body, difficulties may arise in dealing with this process. “Sometimes, girls are wearing very baggy clothes so as not to show their curves, their buttocks or breasts, which are growing”, says the expert. “At the limit of this difficulty in dealing with transformations, eating disorders, such as bulimia, can happen.” Parents need to redouble their attention.