Mom or dad: your physical presence is not equivalent to your emotional presence

There are fathers and mothers who, despite being present, are emotionally inaccessible.. Wrapped in their daily concerns and particular worlds, they do not realize that children have a radar of authenticity with which they perceive that careless and cold distance, that being absent, that emptiness that whether we want it or not, can leave its mark on them.

According to a curious study led by Boston University (United States) and carried out in various fast food restaurants, it was discovered that One of the most common reasons why parents stop being present is due to excessive use of mobile phones.. A clear reflection of today’s society and why, possibly, these children will also become “absent adolescents” tomorrow.

The issue of absent parents has emerged as an aspect that is of great concern to psychologists and educators around the world.. So much so, that the publishing market is already beginning to be sensitive to this type of parenting with which we learn to be present in body, soul and heart for our children. We have an example of this in the book “Parenting in the present moment” by Dr. Carla Naumburg.

We invite you to reflect on it.

The absent father and mother: consequences

Children can come to accept our lies loyally. When we tell them that “Yes, of course I listen to you, darling, of course, your drawing is very pretty.” They will nod with their faces, but their wise looks and their hungry hearts will know that their father, that their mother is not with them, that their words are not entirely sincere because their minds are far, far away.

We know that our jobs, daily problems and the pressures we must face are a priority to maintain family balance. Now, to educate a child it is not enough to give him a roof, sustenance, warmth, food and a place in a school. Children have emotional needs that must be met so that their psychological and neurological development is constituted normally.

You might be interested…

Consequences of being present but absent

Some of the consequences that may arise from parents being present but absent are:

Children will never question the adult. If they perceive that their mother or father is with them but does not offer them affection or attention because he is absent, they will think that it is their fault. They will internalize a rejection, an emotional pain that will leave a mark on their brain. Children crave attention to feel reaffirmed, to build their identity. If they do not feel the strength of that bond, they will have problems with their self-esteem. In the short term, they can react in two ways: isolating themselves or reacting with anger or defiant behavior.Sometimes, it may happen that parents are only present to issue certain orders such as “when to go to sleep, when to brush your teeth, get up, get dressed, do your homework…” Nobody listens to the little ones in the house, nobody consoles their fears, laughs at their witticisms or gives wings to their dreams. Children, little by little, fall into the sad abyss of parental loneliness.

How to be present fathers and mothers

Now we know that it is not enough to be there physically, that we must limit cell phone use and that our children have a perceptive and intuitive emotional radar with which they will instantly perceive if we are with them in an authentic, sincere and full way. Now… what else would we be missing? What strategies should we put into practice to satisfy all the needs of our children?

We invite you to reflect on these basic aspects.

Listen to your children. It seems obvious, but not all parents do it effectively. Listening is looking into the eyes and giving authentic importance to every word that children say to us., no matter how naive or bizarre your reasoning may be. It doesn’t matter, the best time to educate and make your child happy is NOW.Yes, those moments of daily complicity. There are moments that should become obligatory rituals with which to share TIME with your children, but quality time. Those talks while we eat, those stories and conversations before going to sleep… They are magical moments to be present with, moments that create emotional marks in children.Teach them to be patient. To be a present father or mother too It is necessary to teach our children that sometimes we have to wait and know how to manage frustration.. It is clear that we are not going to be able to be with them every hour of the day, we all have responsibilities. You have to be patient to be able to get what you want: sharing quality time.Boost their imagination, play with them. If you want your children to be happy people, teach them what a happy adult looks like through you.. He plays with them, transmit enthusiasm to them, develop his imagination through play, in this way, you will give wings to his dreams, you will reinforce his self-esteem by giving them recognition, and that sincere affection that builds freer minds and stronger hearts. It’s worth it.

You might be interested…