Ménage à trois: how to make and enjoy the experience

When it comes to sex, one is good, two is good and three is not too much! The idea of ​​having a threesome experience must have crossed your mind at least once. How about realizing this fantasy? Even the name ménage à trois (read with a French accent) is sexy and the practice has everything to be very satisfying for all parties involved. But when it comes to multiplying all the sexual pleasure by three, you have to be careful and do everything for the right reasons.

touching on the subject

Inserting a third element into a monogamous relationship can be a mess if it’s not all very well discussed and agreed beforehand. Yes, we associate sex with impulse and surprise, but arriving out of the blue with a friend on her husband’s birthday isn’t the safest route. After all, life is not a romantic comedy movie.

The key to every relationship is communication and this is no different. The ideal is to plant a seed and water it in conversations. “You can start bringing the subject into the relationship through fantasies or intimate conversations. Show that this is your will and that it excites you. If the fantasy is well accepted, then enter the subject and suggest that it happens in reality!”, says the psychologist and sexologist Gabriela Marinho.

Tips for a great threesome

We have selected good tips so that no one is left out at the hour and everything meets your expectations. Not all people enjoy a threesome and often the experience is considered overrated, but you can only have a result after trying, right?

The third person: a careful choice

After deciding to face this adventure, the next step is to choose the third musketeer or musketeer. “She or he needs to be chosen by the couple and please both of them”, emphasizes Gabriela. There is a myth that a threesome consists of two women concerned only with pleasing a man, but that’s not how it works. The couple (homosexual or heterosexual) needs to choose someone who attracts both. There are a thousand and one possibilities: the threesome can be composed in many ways, even by three people of the same gender.

Whether a stranger, a friend of the couple or a professional, the third person is not a toy and also needs to participate in an enlightening conversation before the act. Even if you don’t know her name, you should know her limits and desires so that you align your interests. In fact, it is usually the third person – the guest or guest – who receives the most attention from a couple that is already structured.

Invest in a comfortable place

The place of action also has to be chosen in advance, because it needs to be comfortable, safe and put everyone at ease. Will it happen at any of you house? Going to a motel? Which one? Ask these questions as you plan to make sure everything works out. The more things are decided in advance, the more exciting the idea becomes – and the less unforeseen events will come your way.

make lists

Include in the conversation a list of things you can and cannot do during a threesome. That way, the boundaries are clearer and there’s no risk of someone spoiling the experience by trying something that bothers the other.

Wants are also exposed and there is less chance that someone will let a wish pass for fear of asking in the heat of the moment.

Safeword: safety always!

Okay, we’re not talking about BDSM or sexual relationships that pose real risks to the physical integrity of the participants, but safety never hurts. So, combine a Safeword, an emergency word that should be triggered if someone feels uncomfortable or, in this case, left out. Even if everything has been discussed beforehand, sex can get out of hand – and that’s not a bad thing, quite the contrary, it’s what makes it wonderful.

So the main secret of successful ménage is the conversation and the preparations, so when the time comes, you leave your mind free of worries and there is only room to enjoy the moment.

Wait your turn – but learn how to get back into the dynamic

Not every moment of the threesome will involve all three people. Sometimes, one of them will spend time just observing, and then be included again in the dynamics. Don’t get upset if it’s your time to stay out and take the opportunity to touch yourself. But if you want to get back to the dynamics, take initiative! Hug, caress, kiss, pull one of the other two people’s hand to your body, get involved. Your attitude is also very important and it is critical that you enjoy the moment and feel involved at all times – even when you are observing.

Pros and cons

As the sexologist Gabriela remembers, the ménage has everything to work out when the couple is willing, they have already talked about it several times and the two are sure that they get excited with the practice. The same goes for the opposite, if one of the two is not completely comfortable with the idea or one wants to do it just to please the other, the chance of going wrong is great! To guide you, we’ve made a list of pros and cons to take into account in your conversations on the subject.

pros

• Like any wide-awake sexual experience, it increases the couple’s confidence (but be warned: never have a threesome in an attempt to save a relationship).
• It broadens your horizons in relation to sex. We never know everything about our desires, leaving the comfort zone helps to (re)discover them.
• Improves self-esteem, after all, you can give pleasure to two people at the same time!

cons

• If it’s not talked about well, “sexual trauma can happen and harm the couple’s intimate life from that day on”, explains Gabriela.
• There is a risk that the third person will perform better sexually than you, a problem for insecure people.
• When done under pressure, it will reflect negatively on your relationship and may depress one of the parties.

Ah, it’s worth bearing in mind that the threesome should never be done to “save a relationship”, as the chances of it having the opposite effect are high. The ménage should be carried out when the couple is well, with an open dialogue, secure and satisfied with the relationship itself.

Know more about the subject

To have a threesome, it is important to know a lot about the subject, from different perspectives. Specialists, practitioners, who liked it, who didn’t like it… The more opinions and information on the topic, the better. With that in mind, check out the videos we’ve separated for you:

In this video, Dr. Thais França, gynecologist, talks a little about the practice from a perspective more related to women’s health, although she also ends up addressing the behavioral issue.

Here we have sexuality specialist Cátia Damasceno talking a little about the threesome, possible taboos and how to prepare for this moment.

In the third video we selected, we have very practical tips from someone who has already held a threesome – which is very useful for you not only to gather theoretical information on the subject.

Did you dot all the i’s? Now it’s time to get into action! It didn’t work, but you still want to? Try again! The choices are all yours, make the adjustments you need. Oh, of course, don’t forget to buy lots and lots of condoms, after all, there will be an extra body in this relationship!