Love is not a feeling, it’s a choice

So, I’m here today to bring you something that’s a little confusing: Love.

What is it really? What does this mean for us? Why does it hurt so much sometimes?

These are questions for which I don’t have perfect answers. But earlier this week, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about a new relationship she’s just started.

She shared with me that in the short time they had known each other, they had been tempted to go straight to the relationship. To me, that sounded exciting. But for her, the time was not right yet.

As they talked about their potential feelings, she made a point of waiting a few more weeks to think before discussing the matter again. I wondered why they had to think about it when they already knew, and it was then that she made a statement that hit me harder than I thought: Love is a choice.

And then I realized that she wasn’t worried about whether or not she felt the “thrill” of love, but rather if they were really ready to make the love choice.

SEE TOO:

• Why do people fall in love?

I was impressed, honestly. It just made a lot of sense. And so this week, I kept thinking about it.

After mulling it over, I think deep down I believed that love was a choice, but on the surface of my mind, I understood it simply as an emotion. I had no idea how little I was reducing love by doing this.

Emotions are fleeting, ever-changing, incredibly unpredictable, and extremely unstable. If love were simply an emotion, it wouldn’t do anyone any good. It would be far more harmful than satisfying. But for those who manage it well, it is a blessing.

It’s much more of a conscious effort to get the best out of your partner, to do what you can to satisfy your husband/boyfriend and encourage him/her to become a better person. .

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• Baby, you miss me

Love is about your intentions—if they are to serve the other person and want the best for them, no matter the cost to you, you are choosing love. And that’s the only way to do it.

Love is not something you only remember when things are going well. It is something that is only proven and strengthened with the challenges that life as a couple imposes on us.

Take a look at your parents, for example. When you were born, you literally had nothing to offer them, per se. You couldn’t do anything but cry, eat and poop. Even so, your parents chose love (I hope) and changed your diapers, fed you, hugged you, and guided you, step by step, into adulthood.

You’ve likely used up a lot of their resources emotionally, financially, and physically, things you’ll likely never be able to repay in full. And yet, they chose to put a big part of their purpose into shaping you, whether they did a perfect job or not.

An even greater example of this is Jesus. Yes, I talk a lot about Jesus. Everything He lived through resonates with our pain, who took on human flesh to understand it, who begged for mercy for those He came to save, yet knowing that we would reject Him, beating Him to a humiliating death on the cross.

SEE TOO:

• Date someone who wants to start a family with you

Love is a choice, and a choice you must also make for yourself.

Choose not only to love your partner, but choose to love yourself first and foremost. We often forget that love is a discipline and therefore our main source of empathy. We must practice love faithfully to understand it and know how to truly deliver it in a way that brings life to both parties, not just one.

Finding balance is difficult — I know. I find myself failing at this all the time. But please don’t give up on choosing love. Just make sure you chase it for longevity, truth, peace, and mutual fulfillment. Not as a hobby, a spontaneous effort, a temporary bandage on a still bleeding wound, a distraction.

The kind of eternal pain that awaits you on the other side of a broken heart isn’t worth it. You may know your intentions, but you don’t know others’. Don’t dive in, no matter how amazing it may seem at first. Because sometimes diving works. But far more often, it just makes you fall head over heels to the bottom.