Learn to love in 5 keys

There is only one happiness in life: “love and be loved”, said novelist and playwright Amantine, known under the pseudonym “George Sand.” Under this duality we bond with others not only because of what they are but because of what they make us be when we are with them. However, For love to be linked to happiness we need to love well, from the most complete authenticity. Let’s see how to learn to love.

The word love has widespread use in our language. It is associated par excellence with love, one of the most important feelings that human beings experience and which has to do with the deep affection, attachment and commitment felt for another person.

Loving has multiple conceptions, as many as there are people in the world. But beyond its conception, do we know how to love? Everything seems to indicate that we have some difficulties and even without believing we have them, It is always possible to improve and continue growing in matters of love. Let’s delve into this beautiful topic.

Do we know how to love?

Almost all people think they know how to love. They believe that the feelings they experience are enough and they forget that True love is like maintaining a garden. Day by day you have to water it, eliminate weeds and take care of it so that the flowers continue to grow.

No one is free from the temptations of the comfortable life. However, to love is to protest against them. Discuss important issues with those you love, establish healthy boundaries and promote well-being to apply it to common life.

Is love an art? Those who share this conception know that loving requires knowledge and effort. Or perhaps, it is a pleasant sensation, the experience of which is a matter of chance, something that one stumbles upon if one is lucky? The book “The art of Loving“ by Erich Fromm tells us about it. Through it we can discover that love more than luck -even though most people think that’s the case- It’s all an art.

It’s not that people think love is unimportant. In reality, we are all thirsty for love. We see countless movies based on happy and unhappy love stories, we listen to hundreds of trivial songs that talk about love… However, almost no one thinks that we have to learn to love.

How to learn to love?

It seems as if only everything that provides us with a tangible benefit such as money or prestige is considered worthy of learning. But what happens with that which benefits our soul? Is learning to love possible? Does learning about what we feel but do not touch benefit us?

In this situation we find ourselves in today’s society, where just because of the title of the article many people will not have even stopped to read it, without taking into account that love is the answer to existence. Any theory of love must begin with a theory of man, of human existence.

Love is an activity and as such, it is continuity and does not start. Learning to love is necessary if we want, on the one hand, to self-actualize and cultivate healthy relationships.

So that love does not remain only at the beginning, we give you these 5 keys taken from the book “The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm to learn to love:

Be original. We live in the false illusion of believing ourselves to be original in a completely homogeneous world. We settle because we think that relationships cannot be any other way. However, we have the power to create our own type of relationship from sincerity and authenticity with our partner. In this way, we free ourselves from the conditioning and customs that accompany the “perfect couple” and romantic ideals.Find someone who gives everything and do the same. To love is to give. An experience full of vitality, strength and power that fills us with joy. As long as the limits are not crossed and we preserve our dignity and respect. If we also choose someone who shares this perspective, it will be wonderful because we will exchange the best of ourselves.Want to know the other. We know each other but we don’t know each other, Fromm would say. We think we know others but we don’t, at least not completely. Every experience we live influences us in some way. Change is the only constant. Keeping the flame of knowing our partner alive is the breath of non-routine.Distinguish the type of love we are willing to give and receive. There are many types of love. Knowing which one we can offer and receive will influence our relationship. Now, there is nothing compared to mature and conscious love. That must be our end. Two beings that become one but remain two.Accept couple challenges and conflicts. Love is not the absence of conflict, but a constant challenge in which to grow and work together.

There is only one remedy for love: love more. Far from becoming discouraged, when we suffer a disappointment in love, we must look to the future with a new vision of life, instead of locking ourselves in our den.

Loving is an art, a process where creativity, care and authenticity bear fruit, as long as we are willing to give with respect and responsibility. Loving more is the remedy for any problem in life…

Buddhist love

From Buddhism love is the desire and aspiration for all beings to be happy and have the causes of happiness. The reference to all beings includes loved ones, neutral ones, and even our biggest “rivals.”. From this perspective, love expects nothing in return, not even a “thank you.” As His Holiness the Dalai Lama says, when we hit one hand, the other automatically caresses it to calm it without thanking us. So, it should happen with love. When someone suffers, we go to their help.

Here another factor comes in, the compassionin this case it is the desire and aspiration that all beings be freed from suffering and its causes. These two aspects are key in Buddhism to learn to love, since they represent the purest love.

However, We must not confuse love and compassion with giving everything. Sometimes the purest love is giving a wake-up call to someone we know is on the wrong path. For example, if a friend who takes refuge in alcohol asks us for money to buy more, the most appropriate act of love would be to take care of her health and not provide her with that money.

From Buddhism, love is free of attachments. Nothing is expected in return. The more you give, the better, the more love grows. That is, there is a belief that if we give love, in some way, it is spent. Buddhism tells us the opposite, love grows as it is offered. So love does not have a specific face, but encompasses all beings.

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