When love becomes obsession

We must know how to differentiate healthy love from obsessive love, since the latter gives rise to delusional behaviors that wear down and completely destroy a relationship.

For most people, love is a wonderful and rewarding feeling. It is that state in which we bond with someone who is free to create a common project. Now, in other cases love is little more than an obsession. These are situations where an almost manic desire to possess the other person appears. These signs profile insecure and jealous individuals, with many shortcomings, the same ones they project into the relationship.

This way of acting towards others causes relationships with other people to become resentful. They feel obsessed with their partner or the person they desire. They even go to the limit of pursuing it, to stalk her, to control her to know where she is at all times. They have an atrocious fear that that person may leave their side.

The obsession with a person is a desire to possess the partner as if they were our property.

Beyond seeing these situations as something specific, there is an aspect that should be kept in mind. We must know how to differentiate healthy love from obsessive love. The latter gives rise to delusional behaviors that wear down and completely destroy a relationship. Even more, in 1% of cases we may even have a mental disorder. Let’s see more data below.

What is obsessive love?

In a relationship, Obsessive love means that someone has gone beyond affection and respect, and has begun to violate the rights of the couple (or the person with whom they have fallen in love without their reciprocation). Likewise, there are cases in which this type of emotional condition can even lead to violence, physical or psychological aggression.

The healthy and enriching love that we talked about a moment ago will never cross these limits. There is not only a commitment, what there is above all else is respect for the other person. Respect for his privacy, his personal freedom, his way of being and acting. The moment someone overcomes these personal barriers, restlessness and a feeling of threat appear.

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However, there is a detail that usually occurs on many occasions. If we maintain a relationship with a person with affective-obsessive behavior, it is common for us to distort many of these behaviors.

There are those who, for example, confuse jealousy with love and even the need for control with passion.. We must be objective and sensitive to this type of dynamics, knowing how to differentiate authentic and respectful love from that which is clearly obsessive.

Some indicators of obsessive love

To get a clearer idea of how obsessive love manifests itself, below we present the most common signs:

The belief that the only way to be fulfilled and happy is to be with your partner.Neurotic and compulsive behaviors to maintain contact with the partner. For example: constant calls or visits.Fights or false accusations that become increasingly violent. Excessive control of the other’s appearance, friendships and activities. Denial that the relationship has come to an end.Threatens or manipulates the partner when they do not get what they want. Some typical phrases are “if you really love me, do this for me” or “if you don’t do what I tell you, expect the consequences.”An intense concern about a relationship that is disproportionate to how long people have known each otherRefusal to listen to the other person’s feelings or accept any boundaries they try to create.

Other signs may include different types of jealous behavior.

obsessive jealousy

People with obsessive jealousy have excessive jealous thoughts along with compulsive behaviors. People with obsessive jealousy can recognize that Your thoughts are irrational. The symptoms of obsessive jealousy are more extreme than the normal emotion:

Intrusive and excessive jealous thoughts, which can be difficult to stop thinking about.Limit the freedom of the other person.Constantly check each other’s behavior.

delusional jealousy

According to a article this type of jealousy occurs when a person has the absolute certainty that your partner is being unfaithful, but he has no evidence of it. Delusional jealousy is a type of disorder psychotic, which people may also refer to as Othello syndrome.

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The symptoms are:

Conviction that the partner is being unfaithful.Persistent delusions about the other person’s infidelity.Concern about infidelity.Paranoid and irrational thoughts and emotions.Unacceptable or extreme behavior.

What is behind a person with obsessive behavior in love?

We pointed out at the beginning, generally some of these behaviors have some type of psychological problem behind them. Let’s look at some examples:

People with obsessive-compulsive disorder may exhibit this behavior: They are profiles characterized by a low self-esteem and with the permanent need for others to fill their emotional voids and solve all their problems. They also feel trapped by their fears and marked insecurities. They are also individuals who at any given moment can see or meet someone and begin to become obsessed.People with attachment disorders: It is another striking factor that would also explain obsessive behavior in love, where someone projects bond disorders originating in early childhood onto their relationships.Erotomania or Clerambault syndrome: It is a disorder where someone thinks that there is a person tremendously in love with him or her. This gives rise to behaviors of seduction, harassment and persecution.

Everything that happens to us in childhood will have an impact on our relationships in adult life.

How to deal with obsession with a person

Like the rest of the psychological disorders, it is important to face the problem. But, for this, It must be the person who suffers from the obsessive disorder who wants to end it, who takes the definitive step towards seeking professional and specialized help. If other people force it, it will not be effective.

On the other hand, If we ourselves have fallen into that state of obsession with someone, it is time to become aware and face the problem. These are the steps we should take.

put distance

Get away from the problem and let the person go. This is especially important if you have begun to exhibit harassment, persecution and surveillance behavior. Assume, accept and reflect on your behavior that is not correct and establish a firm decision: stop this dynamic. Out of respect for the other person and for yourself.

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Put yourself in someone else’s place

Look inside yourself and understand the other person’s position. Empathize and understand that love is not synonymous with possession. If possession comes into the picture (and becomes a necessity for you) it is a warning sign that it is unhealthy, dangerous and harmful behavior for all parties.

Trust in yourself

Work on your self-esteem and confidence in both ways. Both in your own person and in others. Understand that Low self-esteem is the cause of this type of disorder. Therefore, choose activities that help you feel good, that give you well-being and self-confidence to promote your emotional and personal development.

Be active

Choose a hobby that you like, because in addition to developing a skill that will give you more confidence, It will help you overcome that feeling of helplessness and depression., channeling all your energy into excelling at that activity. Play some sport, set new goals and open your social circles a little more. Try to relativize thoughts, free your mind…

Ask for help

Seek professional help from friends and family. A professional can listen to your problems and look for the root of them to agree on an action plan between you. Individualized attention or through support groups usually gives very good results in these cases.

On the other hand, If you have a positive circle of friends, the impact will also be very enriching if you take the step and open yourself up to starting new plans by their side.activities with which to channel anxiety and those intrusive thoughts that shape the ball of obsession.