Lead by example

The example can clearly be your best teaching method. But exercising it honestly and decisively, in the most correct or most suitable way, is something very difficult to achieve. However, it is also something worthwhile and can give substance to more than one life, including yours. Leading by example is the wisest thing you can convey.

As Stephen Covey put it: ““Your actions always speak louder and clearer than your words.” Because facts are the way to specify what is said and because saying one thing and then doing another is self-disqualifying. If you do not truly internalize what you express, it will never be a reality.

Know what I want to be and do

First, to lead by example, We have to be very convinced of what we want to be and do and, yes, try to instill it in others.. Without this first and momentous step, it will be unlikely that we will be able to lead by example.

In addition, The brain and heart binomial, the alliance of reason and feelings, will be essential for us in this direction.. Because not everything is thoughts, rationality, or knowledge, and because not everything is emotions and affections. It takes courage, understanding, but also sensitivity and a lot of love.

If I am consistent, I will achieve it…

Certainly, People tend to be receptive when they find someone who is consistent. That is, when it is perceived that someone maintains coherence between what he thinks, what he says and what he does. We all need actions, more than words. Actions, more than simple rhetoric.

Many times we think and think, read and read, but we don’t go any further. Many ideas sound interesting to us, until we decide to put them into practice. That is when we realize that “from word to deed, there is a long way.” Total, Leading by example without action is like a tree without fruit..

I don’t ask for what I don’t give

Undoubtedly, You need people convinced of their actions. Risky people, who set their eyes on the growth of their life, at different levels; and that they be brave, not to attack or win a fight against others, but to make them grow: this is what is truly difficult and complex.

Undeniably, a father who wants to teach the value of respect to his children, but treats his own wife poorly, will most likely fail from the beginning in his attempt.

No one can teach another what they do not know and what does not apply.

Evidently, People who are examples of life are capable of changing their context and their coexistence scenario.: the environment in which they are made and developed. If you like, they are, in many cases, anonymous leaders of existence, who, at the same time as they grow, induce us to grow.

Because the true example is “sticky”: it shows us a duty, which drives us to imitate. It infects us, as in the case of diseases, but now to heal us; to make us stronger and more resistant to the misfortunes of life. Above all, it makes us see that it is possible to be like this…

Unfortunately, When a person becomes an example for others, they have more demands. Even the smallest negative detail tends to undermine your image and your good actions. Others are inclined to look more at the defect or the setback than at the virtue, even if the latter is much greater than everything else.

However, we see many parents who seek to educate their children, without having educated themselves. They try to transmit what was never truly transmitted to them. And they fall, perhaps, into the serious clumsiness of teaching what they themselves do not know. Actually, We all have within us a teacher and an apprentice.

Every process takes time

It is true that there are exceptional beings who achieve high coherence. Who manage to make their life an authentic doctrine put into practice. Human beings like Gandhi, who became a model of life and took his convictions to such a point that he managed to change the history of a nation.

This story is told precisely about Gandhi:

“A woman went with her son to see Gandhi. Gandhi asked her what she wanted and the woman asked him to get her son to stop eating sugar.

Gandhi replied: “Bring your son back in two weeks.”

Two weeks later the woman returned with her son. Gandhi turned and told the boy, “Stop eating sugar.”

The woman, very surprised, asked him: “Why did I have to wait two weeks for you to tell him that? Couldn’t I have told you fifteen days ago?

Gandhi answered: “no, because two weeks ago I was eating sugar.”

Without a doubt, everything has a process and a time. You cannot reach the goal without having completely traveled each of its routes.. Nothing we do to grow will be in vain. And this will be a transcendental task, which no one will do for us. The choice is ours and no one else’s… Do you dare to lead by example?

Example and vicarious learning

How many times have we advised a friend without success? Many people, despite stumbling over the same stone over and over again, do not allow themselves to be helped. One of the maxims of psychologists is that If someone doesn’t want to change, they won’t change.. From Buddhist psychology the same message is sent, if someone does not ask for help, no matter how much you tell them, they will not listen. What’s more, even if you ask for it, it is not synonymous with allowing yourself to be helped.

Some Buddhist teachers, when they received visits from people seeking teachings, usually made themselves begged. They would wait to be asked for help three times before beginning to teach. Because if there is no real interest behind a request for help, our help can fall on deaf ears.

Lama Rinchen Gyaltsen affirms that if they do not ask us for help, and that even if they ask for it they do not allow themselves to be helped, our best position is the example. The Lamas have a great job: lead by example. Among their many tasks is to behave as they preach, for example, with patience, love and compassion. If there is a problem, they worry but do not get upset and maintain a good attitude.

Behind it lies a vicarious learning or social learning. It’s about a learning through observation. Through observation of other people’s behavior we acquire potential knowledge. For example, if we get too upset when faced with a setback and see other people acting calmly, we can learn to act in the same way. So, let’s start leading by example if we want to start helping others.

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Images courtesy of Lisa Fallon, Art Dk