Jump from one relationship to another

Jumping from one relationship to another is a common practice. They call it vine syndrome and, indeed, it is very well illustrated with the image of Tarzan: he can’t finish letting go of a vine when he already has the other one in his hand. What does Tarzan want and those who have liana syndrome? Obviously: don’t fall.

Most psychologists agree that it is not a good idea. jump from one relationship to another. As in everything human, there are always exceptions. However, it is generally a behavior that speaks of difficulties with oneself, dependencies, and desires to escape.

It is true that our values ​​and references are much more changing than in others. Circumstances change at a faster speed and the notion of time has also transformed. But from there to jumping from one relationship to another there is a great abyss.

Sometimes, It can happen naturally and healthy, but if it is a habit It would probably be good to investigate what’s happening.

Jump from one relationship to another

Nobody wants to fall. When we have a significant relationship, it is clear that breaking up causes us some degree of pain. And if it does not generate it, it is likely that it was not a significant relationship. Since we are in a time in which it is “mandatory” to be happy, the duel What follows a breakup is a process that many people refuse to go through.

It is then assumed that the appropriate thing to do is to look for a “replacement” for the ex-partner quickly and efficiently: there is a void, “perfect for another person to fill.” Many people claim to have made this exchange successfully. In reality, there is nothing curious about it. Consciously or unconsciously, they are willing to see a possible partner on almost anyone they know.

It is also common that the new relationship shine a lot at first. With your previous partner, who didn’t like to travel, you were never able to understand each other in that area. On the other hand, the new couple fit together from the first minute and in a month you already made two trips. Why does this happen?

The unconscious links

When leaving a significant relationship, not always your heart – emotional part – and your unconscious find out. They have their own rhythms, their own processes and move forward. You don’t cut off an entire imaginary overnight. You don’t give up on your plans, your dreams and your shared expectations like someone who changes their clothes.

Perhaps without realizing it, or only partially realizing it, you are going to try to write the next page of the story with your ex.. What you are trying to do is change the name of the protagonist for a series that continues with the same script. Furthermore, sometimes you will want, but without being able to, to continue with the same plot. A new relationship would be something like another episode of the same novel.

However, this is the wrong path. Hopefully, you could prolong that situation for a while: living the same logic with someone in another’s body. In any case, you will most likely end up boycotting the relationship.with your expectations and unconscious feelings.

Suddenly you feel more jealous because your ex cheated on you. Or maybe you find someone very attractive because they are totally different from that person. The point is that your previous relationship ends up being your main point of reference.

Anxious attachment

It has been proven that attachment styles are closely related to adult romantic relationships. In this case, People who suffer from anxious attachment often experience emotional dependencewhich translates into a need to always be with someone and a strong fear of abandonment and loneliness.

In this way, the relationships of these people tend to fail and, After a breakup, they immediately look for another relationship, in order to alleviate the pain and anxiety.

That said, it is important to keep in mind that the attachment style is forged from childhood, in the interaction with our main figures of affection; who shape our way of relating to others as we grow.

Fortunately, we can modify our relationship patterns. For it, The most effective tool will always be psychotherapy.

Live the duel

Nobody wants to fall. Still, falling is part of the cycles of a life cyclical. Whether we like it or not, loving always means managing some amount of dissatisfaction. This becomes more palpable at the moment of separation. It’s the price of loving. And even if we try to leave without paying the bill, that debt will attach itself to our shadow and continue traveling with us, waiting to be collected.

What is expected is that jumping from one relationship to another will lead us to a chain of disappointments.. Perhaps we will end up being cynical and shouting at the top of our voices that love does not exist. Or, perhaps, we become numb and let the ball roll, without worrying much about whether it makes us happy or not. In any case, sooner or later we are going to have to manage the fear of loneliness and conquer our autonomy to love from that place.

The worst thing is that we may ruin relationships that were really worth it simply by closing our eyes.. The desire to avoid grief invites deception. The obsessive need to have a partner prevents us from learning from each relationship, letting everything flow when it should flow.

Risks of jumping from one relationship to another

To conclude, we highlight the importance of eradicating this syndrome, since it has only weaken our self-esteem.

Ironically, people who jump from one relationship to another are trying to protect their self-esteem. But in reality, they hurt themselves even more. They believe that another relationship will ease all their pain, but they don’t stop to think that if that relationship fails, which is most likely, they will suffer doubly.

In the long run, self-esteem will suffer double damage and the fear of being alone will not disappear. If this is your case, the ideal is to start working on self-love and healthy relationships.

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