Jealousy is not proof of love

Over and over I receive messages from readers with praise, criticism, topic suggestions and some requests for advice. I am very happy to establish this contact with those who read me and I confess that this closeness, in addition to stroking my ego as a needy writer, also invites me to reflect on topics that had never crossed my mind before. This is extremely valuable to me and I really feel like I’ve been rewarded by the universe for having the opportunity to talk to so many people.

I say this because these days, talking to a reader, I read a complaint that seemed quite unusual. She came to me to vent and, aware of how problematic this is, she confessed that she feels extremely uncomfortable that her boyfriend is not jealous of her. She said, full of shame, that she often tries to provoke this feeling because his not showing jealousy makes her insecure and makes her doubt his feelings.

I confess that I was surprised by her complaint precisely because I had never experienced this feeling. My most problematic relationships were permeated by serious episodes of jealousy and his absence never seemed to be a problem, but, talking to some friends and inviting them to this reflection, I realized that this feeling is much more common than I thought. I noticed that many people feel insecure due to the lack of jealousy of their partners and I noticed that our ideal of love is really a little crooked. I realized that it needs to be fixed.

I’m saying this because soon after starting to reflect on these questions I stopped to think about all the times I felt jealous in my life and the memory of these episodes brought me such a bad feeling that I find it hard to believe that a person who loves her another wants her to experience that feeling.

I don’t know if you guys know, but jealousy is a really bad feeling to feel. I hate feeling jealous. I think everyone hates it. I confess that the memory I keep of people who have already made me experience this feeling is so negative that I really doubt that people who love each other want the other to cultivate this kind of feeling for them.

Jealousy hurts, bothers and nudges. Jealousy blurs and disperses. Jealousy is doubt and insecurity. Jealousy is obsession and sadness and wanting someone to feel all this in the name of mere ego caress seems to me much more selfish than any good feeling.

Love is wanting. If your love feels safe, confident, and loved by your side, I suspect you’re loving right. Happy birthday to you!

understand men