Jealousy is not part of love

Jealousy appears through insecurity and the need for possession. These fears, far from bringing us closer to love, distance us from it, contaminating our relationships, destroying its essence, freedom. Therefore, jealousy cannot be synonymous with love, rather it is necessary to undo a knot that is not working.

They appear as an indicative feeling and a particularization of the fear of loss, since when they are activated they are pointing out an important fact that requires our attention. In this case, jealousy serves to inform us that there is dangerthat of losing the affection and attention of a loved one in favor of another.

When this mistrust appears, it is common for us to feel abandoned.rejected and excluded in the presence of a third person. This sensation is painful and causes great discomfort. It means that there is something to attend to because it is not working in the relationship.

How does jealousy appear?

Kristhy Chen and Ellen Atkinson, psychologists at the University of Western Ontario, Canada, conducted an interesting study in 2017. According to this work, l Jealousy, at first, serves to tell us that there is something to resolve in our relationship or even in ourselves.

The researchers also differentiate three ways in which jealousy manifests itself: emotionally, cognitively and behaviorally. There are those who feel them but do not express them and there are, obviously, those who take this emotion to the limit through obsessive, controlling and even persecutory behaviors.

In many cases these situations can become problematic and pathological (jealousy).Just because they appear does not mean that we love a person more. Our fears are simply activated, often related to emotional insecurity. According to the person, the relationship and loveAs they mature, this emotion in turn diminishes.

Healthy and adaptive jealousy

Jealousy can be dealt with in a mature way and – like all emotions and feelings – take advantage of it. In this way they contribute to reestablishing a relationship and strengthening it, managing to move forward together and solving difficulties.

Jealousy and fear

Sometimes, when we feel neglected and experience that the person we love is putting their focus on other people, jealousy appears naturally. The alarm is activated, which It serves to mobilize us and realize our fears.

Let’s go for a moment to our childhood. What usually happens when there are two children in a room and the adults pay attention to only one? Or when an only child realizes that she is no longer one? TOYes, this is how this emotion begins, with the intention of guaranteeing our survival..

Jealousy is “healthy” when we pay attention to this alarm, trying to enrich ourselves with the warning to mature.. Being able to express it in words and become aware of our fears – for which only we are responsible – can help us integrate jealousy intelligently into the situation or context that caused it.

Problematic and pathological jealousy

This type is more related to our lack of self-esteem, feeling insecure in any situation, whether real or imagined. Jealousy becomes a problem when we tend to interpret and assume. That inevitably leads to misunderstandings, as we are continually reinforcing the state we are in.

We do not seek to resolve the situation, nor to mature by becoming aware of our fears. Pathological jealousy traps us in fear and they make us react disproportionately to any action that is interpreted as a lack of attention.

On the other hand, something that doctors Kristhy Chen and Ellen Atkinson point out to us is that Pathological jealousy often reflects a Machiavellian personality characterized, in turn, by notable narcissism.

Jealous people who need to provoke them

Many people need to make their partner jealous as a way to measure love.. These people have the strong belief that love is linked to this feeling and that “without jealousy, there is no love.” This idea is maintained by those who are jealous and justify the characteristics of what would be a childish love.

The need for attention and continuous displays of affection can lead to this situation, as a form of manipulation. You try to make the other person worryso that you feel that at any moment the relationship can end if you are not continually aware of your partner.

Finally, If we can understand the function of jealousy, what it is for, what it tells us and how to resolve it, we will understand why it appears.. Furthermore, and what is more important, we will know how to use this feeling to our advantage, we will control it, and we will avoid falling into its destructive clutches.

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