It’s a shame not to say what you feel

“I feel bad about what my friend told me, but I haven’t said anything to him so he doesn’t get angry,” “I can’t tell my partner that I want to break up so as not to hurt him.””How many times have you not dared to say what you feel? We remain silent for fear of the reaction of others, for fear of showing what we feel.but in the end the ones who feel bad are us.

If we don’t say what we think or what we feel, other people won’t be able to guess and we will feel worse and worse. Saying what you feel, commenting on your opinion, giving ideas, saying no, will make you feel liberated and in control of your life.. Being assertive is asserting yourself.

Reasons to say what you feel

Saying what we think can cause us fear and anxiety, but Not saying what we think or feel can affect our relationships with other people.. Therefore, below we propose 5 reasons to say what you really feel.

You will feel liberated

When you express your opinions or feelings with respect, with love and affection, and let out what worries you or what bothers you, you will feel a deep liberation, because Not expressing our emotions is a weight that we carry every day, that is damaging our relationships with others without us realizing it.

You will feel closer to the other person

When there are no longer barriers because two people have expressed everything they wanted to say, a closeness is created, an intimacy in which trust is reinforced and the relationship improves. We already know how the other person feels and how we feel and that provides great peace.

It will be you

If you hide what you think, you are hiding yourself, you create an unseen wall around you and no one can see what you really are. However, By letting out all your feelings, with words, with looks, with hugs, with kisses, you feel more alive, because it is you.you no longer hide behind what you don’t say and you allow yourself to enjoy your feelings expressed in words and gestures.

If you don’t show yourself as you are, others will have the wrong idea about you., an image that is just that: image; They will not see you and will not be able to appreciate you for who you really are and the virtues you have.

You will improve your communication

When you learn to say no, to say what you feel, communication with other people goes to another level where everything is transparent. and there is nothing to hide. A plane in which you will feel much more comfortable since you will no longer be afraid to express what your mind and body want.

You will achieve coherence

If we do not say what we feel, a very big inconsistency is created between what we are and what we are showing about ourselves. However, When we learn to speak, to verbalize what worries us, we achieve coherence between our interior and our exterior.

How to say what you feel

To say what you feel simply you have to learn to be assertive. Assertiveness is used to expose other people to what your true desires are, what you need, thus demonstrating dignity and self-confidence. In an article by psychologist María Luisa Naranjo (2008) she addresses the concept of assertiveness from the many definitions that different scholars have provided, and among them we can find assertiveness as “the appropriate expression of emotions in relationships, without producing anxiety or aggression” (Güell and Muñóz, 2000) 0 as “the expression of our feelings in a sincere, open and spontaneous way, without hurting the sensitivity of the other person” (Melgosa, 1995).

To be assertive, we give you some tips:

Change your negative thoughts to positive ones

Sometimes we tend to tell ourselves very negative things, such as “I can’t”, “I’m not capable”, “what are others going to think if I say what I want, are they going to be angry with me?” All these thoughts affect what we feel and build a barrier between us and others. A barrier of unspoken words, of unexpressed feelings.

Try to change all those negative thoughts into more positive phrases.: I’m going to try, if I don’t succeed, nothing happens, I will have learned! I’m going to say what I think with respect for others and being true to myself!

Know that other people cannot read your mind.

Although it is obvious, sometimes we get angry and we tend to say that nothing is wrong with us, but we feel rage or anger and the longer we retain it, the worse it will be for us. Keep in mind that others do not have the ability to read your thoughts, nor to guess what you feel, You need to verbalize it so they know what’s happening to you.

It’s more, On many occasions we can feel discomfort and anger towards others because they are not able to guess what is happening to us. This occurs especially in couples, when we hear phrases like: “you know me well enough to know what’s happening to me.” It also occurs between parents and children and between friends. It is important to know that No matter how much they know us, they will not always know what is happening to us, so before getting angry and waiting for them to guess, it is healthier to discuss it openly..

Remember your goal

When you decide to say what you feel, do not deviate from your objective, Remember why you want to do it, don’t back down and think that you will surely feel better. Furthermore, in most cases, what we fear does not happen, so we often worry uselessly.

A large number of times we tend to anticipate an exaggerated result on the part of the person receiving our discomfort and when we finally decide to speak, the opposite happens. It is important not to anticipate negative events so as not to frustrate our objective, but it is essential to say things with understanding and respect..

Be clear in what you express

To communicate properly you must be clear in what you say, don’t get complicated by going around, start with what is important and say it clearly. Use words that accurately describe what you want and your interlocutors will thank you. It is advisable to use direct language that does not lead to misinterpretations. Many people, out of fear or insecurity, try to approach the topic indirectly before “getting to the point.” The best thing is to be sincere, clear and direct and if there is any doubt, resolve it in the best possible way..

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