Is happiness a state of mind or is it external?

In the society in which we live, happiness has become a valuable objective. However, no matter how hard we try, it seems that happiness escapes us.

Books and conferences form a complete and convoluted showcase with different formulas for happiness structured around diffuse constants. Many share the same error that exists in the most shared social idea: they place it outside of us. At the top of a mountain that is reached through winding roads and steep slopes.

So, given this panorama, a question arises, And why does there have to be a shared idea of happiness? A definition that works for me, my neighbor and the people who are on the other side of the planet. Happiness is still sensitive to circumstances and, therefore, to individuality. Perhaps, what we can talk about is complicated ways of being happy, of illusions in the desert that when they disappear, only leave a huge void.

Searching abroad is a mistake

Everything around us urges us to look for happiness abroad. If we buy that new car, we will be happy; If we have a partner, we will feel tremendously happy. The advertising says so: it is so tempting to “keep” biting the apple. The danger is that perhaps we are talking about joy, and not happiness.

Happiness seems more like a state, something that has to do with what remains and not with what takes less time to dissipate than the bubbles in champagne. An echo that survives emotions; that no matter what happens it covers us. Perhaps we are talking about an ability to put together the pieces of what happens to us, so that we learn and feel good.

“Incapable of finding happiness in ourselves, we desperately search for it in objects, in experiences, in increasingly strange ways of thinking or behaving. In short: we move away from happiness by looking for it where it does not exist.”

-Matthieu Ricard-

The power of our thoughts

If happiness is a state of mind, then our thoughts are the main actors. A cast that, motivated by emotions or what happens to us, does not always interpret a script favorable to our interests. However, the positive thing is that we can intervene in that script. We just need to observe them. To do this, it may be important to practice meditation.

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Let’s identify the large number of automatic thoughts we have in a day and which are complaints, judgments, regrets, self-criticism… Being aware of this is very revealing. We will discover or re-discover a part of ourselves that we may have forgotten or that we may have never noticed.

If we see a mistake as an opportunity, if a dismissal as that push to change jobs (something we have always wanted to do), then we will be taking a big step towards that state of happiness. The fact of favoring the positive thoughts versus negative ones is key.

Feeling good does not mean that there are no negative thoughts in our mind; Yes it will mean that this will be a more arid place for them. As the one who is considered “the happiest man in the world“, Matthieu Ricard, to understand this we can think of the sea. Although its surface is altered by the wind or strong waves, calm lies deep inside..

“By happiness I mean a deep sense of flourishing that arises from an exceptionally healthy mind. This is not a mere pleasant sensation, a fleeting emotion or a state of mind; but an optimal state of being. Happiness is also a way of interpreting the world, since although it may be difficult to change the world, it is always possible to change the way we see it.”

-Matthieu Ricard-

Many people understand happiness as well-being, others as balance.. Not as something momentary, but something sustained over time. But for this to be possible, we have to find our own definition of happiness, dress it intelligently, with pockets that fit our desires.

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Moving away from this type of “truths about happiness” in which advertising places so much interest can open up a great space for us to decide what we want to be installed. More than buying or acquiring, it is about having and choosing wisely.