Intolerance of frustration in relationships

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When our partner lives in continuous frustration over what we do or say, we face intolerance (although we don’t dare to call it that). What’s more, this low resistance to frustration is a clear emotional immaturity that can often lead to psychological abuse.

Intolerance of frustration in relationships is one of the great workhorses. There are those who do not accept certain reactions, decisions or behaviors of others and demand a change. When this does not happen, anger, anger and frustration arise, because when there is no tolerance or acceptance, it results in these clearly problematic behaviors.

This reality is not new. Low tolerance for frustration is one of the most common emotions and, in turn, one of the worst managed by human beings.. Something that we should have already overcome in childhood carries over into adult life. It is loaded like that core matter of life that we never re-examined. And the havoc it causes can be immense.

Therefore, it is easy to enter into a relationship with that bomb embedded inside us, the one that, at the slightest moment, explodes.. It does so when we encounter certain opposition, when some things are not as one wants and expects. So, one not only demands, but demands that those realities that do not please change, like the child who does not want to eat vegetables and asks for dessert directly.

The situations that can be created when someone does not know how to handle their frustration are hardly comical. It generates discussions, discomfort, distances and an immense emotional impact. While it is true that we should all reach the heart of an emotional relationship with the matter of frustration already overcome, that is one of the most recurring problems today.

Intolerance of frustration in relationships, how does it appear?

A person who knows how to handle frustration lives with less stress. In addition, he has a better awareness of his emotions and knows how to channel them, calm them and use them to his advantage. Achieving this personal craft takes time, but once it is achieved, it not only changes our lives, but we also perceive clear improvements in our dealings with people.

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Now, as we have pointed out, the lack of effectiveness in managing this dimension appears with increasing frequency. Thus, something that we should take into account is a fact that is pointed out to us by studies such as those carried out by Dr. John Dollar, from the University of London (United Kingdom). In this work, published in 2013, the clear relationship between low tolerance for frustration and aggressive behavior was noted.

Aggressive behavior does not refer exclusively to possible physical violence. In fact, the most common, the most recurrent is psychological, where words and attitudes restrict the rights of others. Thus, intolerance of frustration in relationships often leads to this last type of abuse. So let’s see how it appears.

My desires are my needs… and I want them now

The person with low frustration confuses wants with needs; what he wants at a given moment, he wants now. If you do not obtain it, reproach appears, the projection of guilt on the partner and a bad mood appear.

What’s more, sometimes they tend to resort to silence or the silent treatment, where they can ignore the other person for a while. Childish behaviors carried out on adults that bring, as we can imagine, serious consequences.

Emotional explosions, what I feel controls me and I project it on you

Another characteristic of frustration intolerance in relationships is the inability to manage emotions. In this way, the person who does not know how to handle this reality lives constantly harassed by his own anger, by rage and anger. Far from recognizing his inability to control his emotions, he limits himself to blaming the other person for his discomfort.

If you don’t do what I want I’ll leave you

When the person dominated by frustration does not get what they want, they threaten to break up. In fact, in relationships that constantly deal with this problem, it is common for them to have left it several times and restarted their relationship several more times. It is a vicious circle of wear and tear and blackmail, of projection of blame, of reproach and constant suffering.

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I live with a person who doesn’t know how to handle frustration, what can I do?

Life with a person who is eternally frustrated has the taste of unhappiness. We are dealing with an immature personality and someone with this profile will not only shape immature behaviors, but will often lead to passive-aggressive behaviors. Blackmail, victimhood, emotional manipulation, reproach, constant anger will appear…

Whoever gets frustrated and accumulates anger, because we are not as expected, does not understand acceptance and tolerance. The best thing in these cases is not to give in to the demands of those who want to control us to appease their frustration. What you have to do is argue, set limits and explain why it is not possible to give in on everything. A relationship is knowing how to be a team, not living in an emotional dictatorship.

If we do not see changes or improvements, we will have to make a decision. Because it is not our job to reeducate the other, being a couple is not being a father or a mother. Once reaching adulthood, everyone must be aware of their shortcomings and work on them and A priority on our path to maturity is precisely knowing how to tolerate frustration.